This just cracks me up. I’m sorry, it’s a horrible pop link, but I’m not inhuman people.
Category Archives: Life
Iowa Chick Knitting
I knitted a sheep this weekend:
If I wore banner tees, I'd want this one
I saw a picture of a t-shirt on the Internet today that said,
“IT AIN’T GONNA LICK ITSELF.”
And isn’t that just so true?
Snot-locked
Because having a wicked cold in May followed by strep throat in June wasn’t enough, last night I couldn’t sleep because every time I tried to lie down my head filled up with snot. I was miserable. (I don’t take decongestants because they’re too speedy, and I’d rather be congested than have a panic attack. I can’t even drink coffee without suffering six hours of lurching, thumpy arrhythmia, so pseudoephedrine is right out.)
I was totally exhausted and entirely too snotty to get any rest, not to mention the snot-slinging sneezing, so eventually I got up and tried, as a sort of science experiment, to surf for porn (a slow and miserable prospect over dial-up, believe you me) until my head drained a little and I simply could not keep my eyes open a moment longer. I finally crashed at about 3:30 AM.
All hail the Internet and the naked people thereon, that’s all I have to say.
Knit Girl
You know I knit, right?
I recently designed art for my knitting site and bought a shirt for myself through Cafe Press. The tee was in the mail today.
I love it.
I mean, it’s the same ultra-thin, cheap-ass shirt stock it always is, but I’m proud of my artwork and the shirt works: when I went to the At Home Store today to buy some yarn, I got in a convesation about the site with the chick at the register. Good advertisment, the t-shirt is.
I also have a shitty cold. I am the coughing, sneezing queen of SE Iowa, people. And if you can’t find it in your heart to feel sorry for me, you should feel sorry for Mr. Brett, who is home for the third day in a row with back pain (he seems to have a ruptured disc, the poor bastard) and who cannot even put on his own socks.
And that? That noise you just heard? That was me, sneezing again.
A feminine triumph
Now that I have a camera phone, y’all will get to see all kinds of meaningless images of rural Iowa life.
This will save me from having to write meaningful content. A thousand words and all that, what?
Anyway. Will you just look at my nails, people? That shit is real, too! I grew those things, man. TOTALLY BY ACCIDENT! I just looked down one day and there they were, perfect nails. Of course, I haven’t scrubbed our shower in literally months, but I fail to see how that signifies in comparison with a goddamned perfect manicure, for chrissakes.
Wax on, wax off
Saturday Brett and I went out to breakfast at Country Kitchen, and then to Menard’s where he bought a grinder and I bought floor stripper and wax.
I stripped and mopped the kitchen floor all damn day. It’s so humid that it takes forever for the floor to dry, even with a fan running. I never managed to get the wax applied.
I also started to come down with another rotten cold. I’ve been sick since May. I’m pretty damned tired of it.
On top of yet another damn cold, I also have a yeast infection. This is probably more information than you want to know, but a huge portion of my awareness is fixated on HOW MUCH THIS TOTALLY SUCKS in this damn heat.
You know that joke about bleeding for a week and not dying? It gets funnier every damn month, especially when followed by a yeast infection. I literally cannot wait for menopause.
LG Phone
I love my new cell phone. It’s sleek and small and cute. It has a color screen. It’s new.
But the picture messaging leaves a hella lot to be desired. Allow me to bitch:
1. Why install a flash that sucks so bad? Why not just NOT install it?
2. Why can’t I send pictures to email addresses?
3. Why does US Cellular’s online image center look so cute and suck so much?
One has to send an image to ‘4444,’ so that it can be added to the online image center, and THEN send it to an email address.
When the image finally arrives, it’s half the resolution it was when the phone snapped it.
WTF?
Recovering
I came home from work last night and decided to lie down for just a bit…
…and I didn’t wake up until three in the morning. I have no idea if my husband even ate dinner. I also ended up missing two doses of antibiotics, so my throat was actually sore when I woke up at three in the morning.
I took a pill, drank a bunch of water, took out my contacts (ugh), and went back to bed. I was so tired.
Today so far I have awoken, turned the computer on, wandered around the house, and posted over at I.C.K. about my recent return to knitting. Now I’m thinking of tackling some laundry-type behavior. Alternately, I might sit on the couch and knit in front of TiVOed episodes of Sex & The City. Or possibly Six Feet Under. (Or The Rockford Files. Or Poirot. Or whatever the hell there is to watch.) It’s a toss up, to be honest.
I have recently discovered a desire to run words together. I can’t figure out if it’s all one word or not:
- toss up
- what so ever
- over all
- any more
The whole thing is driving me nuts. I used to have excellent instincts for these things, but much of my ‘instinct’ depends on seeing things printed properly in my environment. This doesn’t happen any more; I find typos in books I buy all the time, and don’t even get me started on signage and print ads – the whole country graduated with a sixth grade reading level. It’s terrifying. I don’t want to be stupid!
How You Found This Site
Apparently search strings with the word “gay” in them now get you to goblinbox. Whew, that’s a relief. I felt bad that so many people were coming here looking for porn and finding none, and now I get to feel bad because you’re coming here for GAY porn and finding none!
The number of people looking up “heart virus” freaks me out. My mom had it, and a friend had it. Apparently it’s becoming a problem – a virus infesting the liquid around the heart is so not sexy. …the person searching for “peasex” was probably looking for “pee sex.” To each their own, I guess… and the guy doing things to his mom will probably rot in hell. (Note that hit came from Google France.)