Friday I saw my midwife for “well woman care”… which is alternacare-speak for a good old-fashioned pap smear and internal exam. No doubt you’ll all be stoked to hear that my cervix looks healthy, and that I have no lumpy breast tissue. And my blood pressure is great, and I appear to be generally well. (Physically. As we all know, I’m quite whacked out of my head in my old age. Squonk.)
She put me on some suppliments… DHEA, whatever the hell that is, and B6. The B6 is supposed to help with the new screwiness of my non-fertile fertility cycle; the DHEA is supposed to, I don’t know, make me feel better. I haven’t bothered to look either suppliment up yet, to be honest. Which might actually mean the DHEA is working, because normally I’d have researched the shit out of it. (By “normally,” I mean the freak I’ve turned into in these past couple of years. Pre-freak, I would have researched it when I damn well got around to it.)
I had only mild anxiety over the weekend. A few spikes here and there, but nothing terrible. It seems to be tapering off. God, I hope so. I cannot express HOW SICK I AM of feeling my heart lurch and skip beats. It gets old really fast, let me tell you, to be repeatedly kicked in the chest – from the inside – by your own laboring heart.
Why is it that when a woman tells a man she’s going to have a gyno exam, the man invariably says, “Have fun with that,” while making a weird face? Have fun with that? Have FUN with that? Okay, buddy, when you get old enough to need prostate exams, I’ll be chortling with undisguised GLEE when I encourage you to enjoy yourself at the proctologist’s!
Today it’s too chilly to lie out, which is a bummer. I figured after raining all weekend the least Nature could do is help me out with my tan. But no, apparently she wants me to clean my house instead. Bitch.
Will you still love me if I reveal that I have not bathed since last Thursday? (Please note: I haven’t gone anywhere or seen anyone since Friday, so this experiment isn’t actually hurting anyone.) I think I no longer like to bathe. In fact, I think I’ve gotten bored of it. Being oily-skinned, I spent many, many, many years of my life bathing every single solitary day – and I think I may have hit my quota. Now I just don’t want to bother. I mean, I want to be clean and smell nice, but getting in the shower seems like such a pain in the ass when there’s other stuff to do. Like take a nap.
Plus Joe was telling me the other day that some healer was telling him that Westerners bathe too much; that certain things need to be reabsorbed by the skin after exertion or excercize, and that chronic rampant bathing is actually a hazard to healthy joint function. So there.