In which it sucked WAY more than usual.

This morning I rolled out of bed feeling all groggy and logy. I showered, put a bunch of product in my hair and then dried it stupid in spite of the effort, got dressed, and hiked to the dentist’s office. The hygienist gave me a bunch of topical and then three excruciatingly looong, slooow shots of local, and then proceeded to vibrate my brains right out of my ears with her handy-dandy little screeching ultrasonic.

When I left, half my face – and half my tongue – were still completely, utterly numb.

An hour and a half later, when the local wore off? Freakin’ OUCH! I actually had to take an ibuprofen, and I’ve never taken one after a planing & scaling before. (And this is my fourth time for this. I have a filthy mouth in more ways than one!) My gums felt like they’d been shredded to tatters and my jaw bone ached like I’d been punched.

This pisses me off because I’m the ideal dental patient. I’m calm, never nervous or twitchy, I’m pleasant, and I’ve even been known to drift off during cleanings. I’ve never had any aftercare issues, not even after the extraction of my wisdom teeth. But today? My mouth hurt. It’s not fair! I call foul! And the worst part is that I dropped over three hundred clams for the experience (because apparently my dentist thinks he’s in fucking LA).

In other news, I am officially rescinding my (never observed!) declaration that I was done talking about my uterus. The thing is healing itself with supernatural speed, and at the rate it’s going I’ll be having full-on insane life-threatening periods again in another ten months. I kid you not. The freakishly rapid regeneration of my uterine lining displeases me immensely, not only because it’s weirdly unnatural but also because there’s no way in hell I’ll be able to afford another ablation a year after the first one.

I totally need health insurance because I’m freakin’ falling apart here. Gums! Uterus! I need new contacts, too! At this rate, next year I’ll need a hip replaced. Srsly.

 

3 Responses to Ouch! I need insurance!

  1. V says:

    Ugh. Dental work. I had a filling done yesterday and it still feels a little touchy. And ever since I had a bad experience with a gum infection following a particularly rough cleaning I go home and sterilize my mouth with saline & peroxide after the hygienist does her thing.
    About your miraculously regenerating uterus, whatever happened to the theory that sub-clinical hypothyroidism might be the cause of all that bleeding?

    Warm saltwater rinses are the bomb! And oh yeah, I never replied to your email: I abandoned the thyroid theory when I decided that I had a panic disorder and not something physically wrong with me. I’m pretty sure my thyroid functions just fine. -m

  2. pj says:

    Har. Wait til you get old. Skin like paper and bones like chalk. Weren’t you feeling your oats last week? It’s all downhill from here. Or is that uphill? (a long, painful uphill climb?) I get confused. I have CRS. I’m old.

    Old sucks. I’m super not diggin’ it. -m

  3. Jim@HiTek says:

    You DON’T have to sit there and have someone terrorize your mouth. Remember that THEY WORK FOR YOU and that you can jerk your hand up and stop them from hurting you, at any time. I’ve done it and it works. Hovering your fist over a doctors crotch and saying ‘We won’t be causing anyone any pain will we’? can solve allot of problems. Your hygienist might not have balls but she can be intimidated.

    PS you don’t have to go back and you do have the right to call the doctor and tell him or her why.

    The hygienist was very gentle, and she actually gave me more local than I needed. She was actually too solicitous, IMO. I was complaining not about her, but that my body reacted differently than it usually does. -m