In which it’s a recipe!
Now, this dish doesn’t look much in this photo because I was too lazy to properly plate or garnish, but it’s nutty, incredibly rich, earthy, and awesome.
Soba is a Japanese pasta made with buckwheat flour, wheat flour, and sometimes yam. It’s often served chilled in summer with a tamari-based dipping sauce, but you can also use it hot, as in this recipe.
(There aren’t any measurements because you can just choose ratios that make sense to you and/or please your palate.)
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Bleu Cheese Soba
1. Boil soba noodles according to package directions.
2. Mince onion and celery, and saute gently in butter in a small skillet.
3. Drain soba, return to pan, add the sauteed vegetables and butter. Add half and half and crumbled blue cheese. Toss ’til the blue cheese is melted, and season liberally with cracked black pepper.
Soba is an odd color, so this dish would probably look best served with a garnish of minced parsley, cracked black pepper, and shaved parm-reg.
This is a very rich dish with strong flavors, so maybe try a sauv blanc or a hoppy beer? And because it’s so soft, something crunchy alongside, a salad featuring pear or fig, or possibly a fresh spinach salad with a grapefruit viniagrette, would be excellent.
So easy to make, and so delicious!
In which there’s a TINY GRILL!
So I use a Chase VISA that gives me points. I spent some on this little grill and it arrived today.
I realize it’s a pandemic and I probably should have turned those points into cash but JUST LOOK AT THIS ADORABLE, PORTABLE LITTLE THING. Holy shit. Smitten.
Now I know people often shop specifically for foods to cook on the BBQ, but I want to play with this thing NOW and I’m not going to the store unless I really, really need to (because nobody out here is social distancing for SHIT).
So I rustled up some stuff and tossed it all in a bowl with olive oil and salt & pepper.
Potato, tomato, mushrooms, garlic, onion, jalapeno, halloumi, and a 2-day old baguette.
FIRE! WHOO!
We already had charcoal, lighter fluid, and a grill set in the garage because my aunt gave them to us last year.
Is there anything more wonderful than sitting next to a little grill on a blanket next to an irrigation ditch on an absolutely GORGEOUS, BREEZY spring day?
No, there is NOT.
Ate this smoky bounty with some garlic tomato sauce I keep in the fridge for pizzas. (Recipe is canned tomato, garlic, vinegar, olive oil, salt & pepper, in the blender. Super easy and super delicious.)
Grilled bread and halloumi with garlic tomato sauce is FANTASTIC. With mushrooms and garlic and onions? Sort of a deconstructed grilled pizza!
Put the tomato, jalapeno, and some of the onion and garlic in the blender with a can of diced tomatoes and some cilantro, for salsa.
Possibly the very best afternoon EVER! Just sittin’ outside, slowly grilling (I only used 15 briquettes because there’s no point in wasting fuel) and eating, enjoying the creek and the breeze and the warmth and the green and some pink wine.
FUCK YEAH TINY GRILL!
Bonus salsa!
I AM SO HAPPY!
In which I’m on about the anti-vax movement again because really can’t figure out how it attracts so many otherwise normal human beings. Like, most of the people I loved during my Fairfield/TM days.
No SHIT, right? Right?
Antivaxxers and alternative medicine quacks are attracted to simple solutions. Reinforces their worldview, which is that they’re personally capable of expertise without earning any qualifications beyond google university.
They don’t like complexity (unless it’s the pseudo-scientific nonsense they make up themselves), and they don’t like nuance or method. They like bad guys and easy solutions, they like victimhood and keeping their (almost overwhelmingly white, middle-class) privilege at all costs.
So we’ve got wholly unqualified keyboard warriors promoting a medicine they know fuck-all about for use in a disease they also know nothing about, because… they read some dumb shit in their online echo-chambers.
Which are supplement stores, by the way. That’s where they get it. Mercola, Natural News, whale.to, Oz, Chopra, Oprah, Goop: they’re all stores. It’s like getting your worldview and ideology from Safeway and then deliberately exposing your children to potentially fatal diseases because of something you read on a pop tart box.
Then there’s this: “President Donald Trump on Sunday once again touted the potential life-saving benefits of treating coronavirus patients with hydroxychloroquine, a powerful anti-malaria drug, despite a dearth of medical professionals or clinical evidence supporting his claims. It just so happens that one of the largest manufacturers of the drug, Novartis, previously paid Trump’s now-incarcerated former personal attorney Michael Cohen more than $1 million for healthcare policy insight following Trump’s election in 2016.”
They’re literally supporting what they claim to hate, the whole “evil big pharma” thing. Mostly because they can’t discern between Citizens United fallout and, you know, the whole of scientific method.
What a time to be alive.
In which these are just baking notes (I’ll want to know what ratios I used if this batch is either a raging success or a terrific failure).
Grocery store’s been entirely out of flour the last few times I was in there, but last Sunday’s paper had an article about a local wheat farmer. Visited the website and guess what? FREE LOCAL DELIVERY! Thanks, pandemic!
I bought some flour online, and he dropped it by on Monday. (His truck wouldn’t start, so I made him a cup of coffee while he waited for his son to rescue him, and we had a quick chat. He’d like the cheese shop to carry his flour, but the owners are already planning to carry another local farmer’s flour.) Yay, local wheat farming people!
Last night I used up the last of my refrigerated dough on a pizza (which we ate immediately) and a demi baguette (which I used for lunch sandwiches this afternoon). Now I’m totally out of King Arthur all purpose flour, so this is my first time using this local flour with higher protein and lower gluten.
3 c. warm water
1 packet yeast
1-1/2 c. white grocery store flour
1/2 c. atta
4 c. Joel’s Organics bread flour
1 Tbsp. salt
I suspect it’ll be fine because of the long hydration time, and with what was left of my white flour for the added gluten. I was tempted to add a bit more water, but decided to make my recipe as I usually do as a baseline.
I’ll try a baguette with it tomorrow and see what I get!
I also bought 5 pounds of buckwheat flour, because I had a brain fart and got it mixed up with spelt. I’ll have to figure out how to make buckwheat muffins or pancakes or whatever. Might just add a cup of it to the next batch of dough to see how that tastes, maybe instead of the atta?
—
THE NEXT DAY:
Dough looks good, lots of activity and air bubbles:
Made a pizza, the crust was lovely and soft, a bit more like whole wheat.
Decent oven spring on the boule.
Looks like previous first-day boules. The crumb is really soft, flavor’s nice. Really fantastic crispy crust! Excited to try a baguette with it after the dough’s had a few more days to ferment.
In which, okay, I know I’ve posted too much about bread lately, and some of these pics are recycled, but this is my adaptation of someone else’s adaptation of the ‘Artisan Bread In 5 Minutes A Day’ method.
I think I’ve got my dough recipe dialed in! This has amazing crust and crumb. Here we go!
One part hot tap water (3 cups).
One packet yeast.
Two parts flour (about 6 unsifted cups):
– 50% King Arthur all-purpose
– 25% atta (whole wheat flour, used to make Indian chapati)
– 25% grocery store white all-purpose flour
Salt (a tablespoon or so).
In a large bowl, place the water (100F or so, no hotter) and the yeast. Dump in all the flour, then the salt. Stir together into a shaggy, wet mass (I use the handle of a spatula, it’s chrome and sort of like a dough hook).
Cover loosely and let rise at room temperature for two hours (I put mine in the oven with the light on, and use one of those plastic bowl covers with elastic) and then refrigerate.
When you remember it’s there later (as soon as a few hours, as late as ten days), use kitchen shears to cut off a chunk of the dough, maybe the size of an apple. It’ll be really sticky, so flour your hands. Shape it into a ball with the tuck-and-turn method shown here (I do mine on a pastry mat, but you can do it anywhere, really).
Put a metal bowl or pan into your oven, big enough to hold at least a cup of water, but larger is fine (I use a stainless dog bowl). Also place a baking stone or cast iron (shallow frying pan or griddle) into your oven.
Set the oven temperature to at least 450 (I do most of my baking between 450 and 500F).
When your dough’s warmed up some (you don’t want it super cold in the center as that will affect how it bakes, especially with boules, but you don’t need to bring it all the way to room temp), put it on a piece of parchment paper. Then score the top with a serrated knife. This is to allow for oven spring, but you can get all fancy decorative if you’re like that.
Get a cup or so of hot tap water.
Open your oven, and quickly put the bread on its parchment directly on the hot stone or cast iron, pour the hot water into the pan or bowl, and close the door.
If you have a clean spray bottle, fill it with water, and spray the inside of the oven thoroughly at least three times during the first seven minutes to keep the loaf moist and encourage oven spring. After 7 or 10 minutes, you can quit spraying and let the crust develop.
Bake your bread until it’s a light golden brown, somewhere between 20 and 30 minutes depending on the size of the loaf.
Cool on a wire rack.
To make baguette, I let it sit in a round for about ten minutes, dust it with flour again, and roll it out gently with the palms of my hands. Sometimes I pick it up and let its own weight stretch it out a bit. You want to handle it gently so you don’t pop all the air bubbles inside, so getting an even baguette is tricky; mine usually have a big lump somewhere but they taste fantastic.
To make pita, flour the hell out of the dough and roll it into thin rounds. Bake at 500F on the hot stone or cast iron; no water pan or misting is needed. The moisture in the dough will be trapped by the flour cloak, and the pita will steam inside. Keep in a tea towel so it doesn’t dry out.
For pizza, let it sit in a ball for ten minutes, then roll into a thin round and top. Bake on the stone or use a separate cookie sheet or pizza pan. I do the water pan but it’s not strictly necessary.
For naan, roll it into an oval and cook in a hot, dry pan on the stove top. When it’s done, brush with ghee. Keep in a tea towel until service.
In which we’re having a GLOBAL PANDEMIC, guys.
In case you haven’t had time to stay caught up, here’s a quick pandemic data dump.
Oregon governor today bans dine-in, gatherings over 25
https://www.oregonlive.com/coronavirus/2020/03/amid-coronavirus-oregon-will-not-yet-impose-curfew-on-restaurants-and-bars-gov-kate-brown-declares.html
Multiple states following CDC recs (the dumbass White House: ‘fake news’)
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2020/03/15/coronavirus-bars-restaurants-closed-states/5055634002/
Even fuckin’ Vegas is closing tomorrow?!
https://vegas.eater.com/2020/3/15/21181058/mgm-resorts-closes-vegas-properties-march-16
Overview:
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– the R0 for Covid-19 is estimated at 2.2, so it is almost twice as contagious as H1N1
– current estimates of mortality rate is conservatively 10 times that of H1N1
– the 2019 flu jab offered no protection against this novel corona virus, so the entire population is susceptible
– there is no Tamiflu-like drug treatment for this disease, only symptom mitigation (we have only a single anti-viral, still in trials, with no proven success against Covid-19)
– causes mild or asymptomatic infections in a large percentage of those infected, which contributes to spread
– we don’t have anti-virals available to reduce the number of days of viral loads high enough to infect others
– there is possible evidence of reinfection which implies surviving it doesn’t convey immunity (but this is likely a testing error)
– there is very little testing in the US, so population infection rates are likely significantly higher than reported
– working estimate of the total infections in the US today is 670,000 or 1 of every 485 people
– hospitals in Italy, an estimate 10-14 days ahead of us, are so overwhelmed by the ill they forced into wartime triage protocols
Coronavirus survives on hard surfaces for days
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2020/03/14/811609026/the-new-coronavirus-can-live-on-surfaces-for-2-3-days-heres-how-to-clean-them
CDC sanitization guidelines (KILL IT WITH BLEACH)
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/organizations/cleaning-disinfection.html
White House today, fucking finally, steps up
https://www.whitehouse.gov/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/03.16.20_coronavirus-guidance_8.5x11_315PM.pdf
Over-the-counter anti-inflammatory drugs (like ibuprofen) may aggravate Covid-19, so stick to Tylenol
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/14/anti-inflammatory-drugs-may-aggravate-coronavirus-infection
SARS-CoV-19 has a super awful rally-then-decompensate feature
https://www.roi-nj.com/2020/03/14/opinion/life-at-the-epicenter-of-n-j-s-coronavirus-outbreak/
https://twitter.com/ianmnoone/status/1239236932372172800
How to flatten the curve
https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2020/world/corona-simulator/
CDC to employers: minimize exposure between employees and also between employees and the public
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/guidance-business-response.html
Deeper dive: WHO stats & research
https://ourworldindata.org/coronavirus
In conclusion, STAY THE FUCK HOME. #StayTheFHome
– San Francisco is shelter in place
– Dubai is closed
– France is closed
– Porn is closed
In which there are things I’ve cooked. (Or baked! I guess baking is a different category.)
I cook a lot, for a variety of reasons. Eating out is expensive. I live in the middle of nowhere and can only go out to eat if he (and his car) are home. I’ve become an experienced cook and it’s enjoyable. I feel vaguely guilty about the massive amounts of Doordash I had while living in Uptown (as in, I was personally a major contributor to the immanent collapse of restaurant culture and the rise of the shitty gig economy). There’s nowhere to get what I want to eat so I have to make it myself. And so on.
Anyway, I cook a lot! Here’s a bunch of stuff from the past week or so. A lot of it is bread-based because now I always have bread dough in my fridge!
Here’s dal makhani and naan:
The dal makhani was made in the Instant Pot and I sort of winged it, after reading about three different recipes, based on the ingredients I had on hand. It has a fuckton of Kashmiri red chili powder in it but is somehow rich rather than spicy-hot?
Here’s kachumber with masala eggs (sorta followed that recipe but not really), papadam, and chai:
Here’s a French carrot soup, potage crécy:
And a brie sandwich to eat with it because I fucking love a brie sandwich on good baguette:
And pizzas. Three kinds of pizzas! On homemade dough!
Red: tomato sauce, ricotta, white mushrooms, aged gouda, dried oregano, red pepper flakes
Bianca: olive oil, flake salt, sliced garlic, ricotta, parm-reg, fresh thyme, black pepper
(I’m going to try the bianca with marinated artichoke hearts and post-bake dollops of garlicky tomato sauce next. It’ll be epic!)
And this one, which I made only because I had all the ingredients and did not expect to enjoy but freakin’ LOVED:
Brie: apple, brie, honey, slivered almonds, fresh thyme
(Himself was going to make himself a green olive and hamburger pizza, too, but never got around to it.)
Here’s boule with fromage blanc, olive oil, and black pepper — a new favorite snack:
So much so I incorporated it into my Sunday brunch:
Buttered eggs, tomato and mushrooms, baguette with fromage blanc, cafe au lait.
(The cheesemaker at work says he knows how to make fromage blanc, so hopefully now that I know I love it I’ll be able to talk him into making it from time to time!)
I eat well, supremely well, buuuuut mostly by myself. My better half is in a junk food phase these days, and eats a lot of delicious pre-prepared garbage (frozen stuff like burritos, tots, and chicken wings, boxed mac ‘n’ cheese, ramen, shit like that) and, like, a ton of bacon sandwiches.
Half the time he refuses to eat what I’ve cooked, but I’m pretty sure I did a similar thing when I was his age, like, Fuck it, I’m an adult, and I’m going to eat what I want and not what I SHOULD. I mean, he did eat some of the pizzas and the carrot soup; it’s not like he’s not getting any vegetables (plus he says he eats salads at work most of the time because they’re preferable to whatever’s on the hot table). In other words, there’s a lot of stuff in the freezer lately because I get bored of it before it’s gone!
The complete lack of Mexican food in this post can be read as implying that I ate lunch at Patty’s a couple times last week, because that’s what actually happened!
In which there’s a tuna sandwich.
I baked a loaf of bread and made a pressed sandwich:
We ate it for dinner!
(The expensive olive oil canned tuna has the texture and taste of canned tuna from my childhood. Made me feel a weird sort of nostalgia, even.)
Update: holy SHIT was this amazing the next day. Don’t eat it the day you make it, there’s literally no reason to. This is truly the ultimate hiking sandwich!
As side note: the people who own this house offered to replace the kitchen counter, but I really wanted to move in as soon as possible because my work transportation situation was getting complicated. Now I kinda wish we’d waited for the new counter.
In which I’ve made PERFECT baguette! Holy shit, IT’S A MIRACLE!
The #breadin5 dough has been hanging out in the fridge since the 17th, so today I baked it up and THE RESULTS were SPECTACULAR:
The crust is delicately crisp, and the crumb is glossy and soft with lots of holes. It actually did that singing thing when it was cooling from the oven! This is an IDEAL baguette!
It’s fucking amazing, this “artisan bread in five minutes a day” recipe/method/concept. Make a wet dough, leave it in the fridge, pull off a chunk and shape it and bake it in a hot oven with a bowl of water for steam: that’s it! That’s the whole thing! Super easy, no stress, and absolutely professional results.
I didn’t even need to buy anything — I used a big bowl for mixing and storing the dough, and instead of a baking stone I used my cast iron griddle. I don’t have a pizza peel, so I used a bamboo cutting board. In place of a dough whisk, I used the chrome handle of my silicon spatula. And while I did buy the book, I didn’t even need to: the recipe and method are right here. Never even used the bench knife I bought for sourdough awhile back, and, while the pastry mat is nice it certainly isn’t necessary. Basic kitchen stuff suffices.
All you really need is to learn how to form loaves, but that takes less than three minutes.
The dough smelled freaking amazing when I took it out of the fridge today, really fruity and yeasty, but I couldn’t taste any difference between the loaf baked on day 2 and the ones baked today, so it probably needs to spend a dozen days in the fridge to start to get sour.
I’ve just started a second batch with this yeast:
…mostly because that’s the only yeast I have left in the house, but I have high hopes for the results!
I ordered a bunch of soft, bloomy rind cheeses on Friday and am expecting them Monday or Tuesday. Super stoked that I’ll be ready for them with a fantastic, delicious baguette!
In which there’s not really a recipe so as much as an assembly idea.
I have leftover chili and it needs to be eaten, but another bowl of chili does not sound appealing. So I’ve mashed up a few recipes and here’s chili cheese enchiladas.
Ingredients:
leftover chili
corn tortillas
cottage cheese
grated cheddar, divided
spring onions, divided
hot sauce or salsa (I used El Pato)
Procedure:
Combine cottage cheese, grated cheddar, and spring onions in whatever ratio appeals to you.
Cover the bottom of a casserole dish with hot sauce or salsa. (You could also use chili, if you have enough; it’s to keep the tortillas from sticking.)
Heat enough corn tortillas until pliable. (I wrap them in a damp paper towel and nuke them for 30-55 seconds. They can also be heated over a gas burner or on a hot griddle.) Fill them with the cottage cheese mixture, roll, and place seam side down on top of the salsa in the casserole. Cover the enchiladas with the chili. Top with the remaining cheddar and spring onions.
Heat the enchiladas until bubbling (oven or microwave, whatever works for you).
Garnish with sour cream and serve.
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