In which I’m not particularly pleased.

I had an appointment with Gramma’s dentist at 11:00 this morning. A tech took $119 worth of x-rays, and then I sat in a chair for 15 minutes and meditated. Then the doctor came in, looked at my films, poked my teeth, and told me I need two fillings. He told me I should either get braces (?) or have $2,000 worth of cosmetic porcelain work done to fix my upper front teeth, one of which is pushed slightly forward. There was no prophylaxis hygienist available, so I had to make a second intake appointment before I can make an appointment to get my teeth cleaned.

While the dentist was really nice and he looked sort of like Santa Claus, this is not the sort of service I was hoping for. Sure it’s neat to know that – if I had money – I could get fun things done to make my teeth look like those of a movie star, but I don’t want any of that shit. I want my TEETH CLEANED. And I should not have to pay for two preliminary appointments just to be able to get a prophy appointment!

The ‘cavities’ are two slightly soft spots on one of my molars. Sure, they might turn into real cavities, but considering that I’m nearly 40 and have never had a cavity in my entire life suggests that there’s really not a high risk of the tooth rotting out of my head in the next few months. Only one of the two spots even goes through the tooth enamel so I think spending $500 on fillings I don’t really need can fucking wait.

The doctor suggested that I have one of my top front teeth ground down and the one behind it filled in, and both covered with porcelain, to create an even-looking top arch. And if I should find I need to sit for a Rolling Stone cover shoot, I’ll certainly consider the cosmetic work then but right now all I want is to get my teeth cleaned.

I think I’m in the market for another dentist.