In which I want to go see Mother so much it hurts.

I thought maybe I wasn’t going to be able to deal with the Creator of a reality that contained within it the death of my beloved pet and companion, and in fact I pretty much only looked at my meditation corner over the next few days to glare at it and think angry thoughts, but not much time passed before I found myself sitting in tears in a hopelessly heartbroken Why? phase. (The Fuck You, how could You allow this phase didn’t even last a week, mainly because I knew it was coming; I’d known from the day I adopted her that she’d die first. So.)

The incarnation of my Satguru being physically so far away, for answers I had to resort to that most revered of traditions: opening books at random. Daughter of Fire was several pages about how the guru doesn’t do anything any more than the Sun “does” anything. The Sun is just the sun, but because of the Sun, flowers open and all life on Earth is sustained. The Awaken Children volume I pulled at random was an entire chapter about the same thing: how one must be in the presence of the guru to experience forward motion on the path. The other book I’d been reading, Autobiography of a Yogi, was in the middle of a similar exposition as well. Continue reading You can't do nothing, so you might as well do something. →