Category Archives: Love

Rock me, Obamadeus

In which I like him. I really, really like him.

I’m not a political animal.

I think politics are in equal parts numbingly boring and distressingly childish. While legal language is probably a neat game, I particularly loathe political talking heads and find them to be a most repugnant breed of humanoid: self-important and brash, and doing nothing but deconstructing the work of others and contributing nothing but dissent. Ick.

I think it is impossible to govern a capitalist democracy because it’s impossible to please everybody all the time. It’s impossible to be fair to everyone. Impossible to guarantee rights, when one of those rights is to have more wealth than everybody else does, and another is to be a total fucking ignorant moron that the state cannot legally or morally allow to starve to death.

But I really dig Obama. It’s nice to have a proper orator in the White House. It’s nice not to cringe when imagining his meetings with leaders of other countries. He probably actually reads his briefings and manages not to look like an American punk.

I watched much of his address [transcript] while eating my omelet and toast this morning. While I don’t care enough to speak to specifics of policy, I do have to say that I like the man. (He’ll be reviled and feared by the time he leaves office, but that’s the office’s fault, not the man’s.)

I like that he is still responding to public opinion (they all quit doing that after they’ve been in office for awhile). I like that he states opinions in the first person, like, “(A)nd I promise you, nobody is more frustrated than me with AIG.” I like that he explains his administration’s rationale with care, as here:

“And although there are a lot of Americans who understandably think that government money would be better spent going directly to families and businesses instead of to banks — one of my most frequent questions in the letters that I get from constituents is, “Where’s my bailout?” — and I understand the sentiment. It makes sense intuitively, and morally it makes sense, but the truth is that a dollar of capital in a bank can actually result in $8 or $10 of loans to families and businesses. So that’s a multiplier effect that can ultimately lead to a faster pace of economic growth. That’s why we have to fix the banks.”

I like that he rather scolded us a little for our greed and short-sightedness. I like that he seems to think our educational system sucks, and that he’s pro-science. I even like the Biblical references. Not because I’m Christian, because I’m not, but because it’s a time-honored tradition to reference one’s own culture’s historical documents. (I call the Bible an American historical document because we wouldn’t all be here if our ancestors hadn’t been such total whacko splinter Christians in the first place.) The Bible’s a powerful piece of literature when properly used, and I liked his use of the ‘house upon the rock’ parable. It worked.

I live with a woman who remembers The Great Depression. She lives frugality. She saves rubber bands, gives plastic bags back to the newspaper boy so he can recycle them, eats all of the groceries she buys (no slightly-soft tomatoes in her garbage), and buys nothing on credit ever. When Obama said that his administration intended to create legislation that would protect future generations from ever experiencing this sort of recession, she snorted because she knows shit happens; she’s seen it.

I waste a tremendous amount of resources. My whole generation does. We buy food, don’t eat it, and throw it out. We replace tools and electronics rather than bother to repair them, because we consider our ‘free time’ to be more valuable than money because we have more of one than the other. I can’t even guess how much paper I’ve wasted in my lifetime of using computers and printers; just today I printed two addresses on two sheets of paper, cut out the addresses, and threw 95% of the paper into the garbage.

I toss clothes rather than re-purpose them; I have an attic full of computers that still work but just not well enough; I’ve filled landfills with household waste and empty plastic bottles and bleached toiletries for forty years. I’ve lived in the bubble all my life. I don’t really know how not to.

But I know that I like having someone who seems intelligent (and less than wholly corrupt) in the office of president for once in my life. You couldn’t pay me twelve times his salary to do his job; and I cannot fathom why anyone would ever want to be the president of the United States and therefore distrust any creature who self-selects for the position, but the dude really seems to be well suited to it.

I wish him luck with it. I really do.

Ideas For the Television Industry

In which I can’t figure out why TV still sucks so much when there are technologies available that could easily make it suck less.

tv Last night, while sitting at the brew pub eating a Gardenburger and idly gazing at the cable commercial showing on the glass teat hanging above the bar, I, who am really not much of a television watcher anyway, wondered why the television industry hasn’t yet invented TV that doesn’t suck.

Consider the following:

– If you shop at Amazon, the site will track what you’ve bought, what you’ve looked at, and what people like you have bought, and make intelligent suggestions.

– If you listen to Pandora, the site will build you an entire radio station based on of the single track or artist you enter, and tailor it to your preferences over time as you click “thumbs up” or “thumbs down” to the songs it offers on your station. The more you listen to Pandora, the better it gets at only playing stuff you like.

– Apple’s Genius algorithm (or music genome database or whatever it is) totally works and is awesome, and it collects anonymous information from its users.

– Desktop computers offer profiles, allowing multiple users to store multiple personal settings on the same machine.

– A 1.5 terabyte hard drive only costs $120.

Since all of these things are true, I want to know why my television (or closely attached DVR-like device) doesn’t already do all of the following:

– Keep separate profiles for all users and groups of users in a house, and offer different programming based on who’s watching and when. (“Bob” might want to see football on Sunday afternoon and Debbie Does Dallas when he’s watching at two in the morning by himself.)

– Show me what I most want to watch based on the date and time I turn it on. (If I always watch Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares on Wednesday nights, why doesn’t it just show me that the minute I turn it on? Why must I touch the remote at all?)

– Have me fill out a brief demographic survey (age, sex, orientation, income, favorite channels, least favorite channels, favorite programs, hobbies) when I first buy and install my television or closely attached DVR-like device that enables it to target me for advertisements. Ideally there would be no advertisements, but since we’re adults here and realize that we cannot escape commercials we should be able to influence what we have to see.

Targeted advertising would theoretically enable small companies to pay smaller amounts to get ads to a smaller demographic. For example, my favorite yarn store could never afford television ads now, but they could probably cough up a few grand to show only people like me that their new yarn line is in for the summer. I would love to see an ad from them, and I’d probably drop by their site and buy more superfine alpaca if I saw them on telly every so often.

A lot of people are paranoid freaks and would absolutely wet themselves if they thought they were being targeted, but I know from using Google that I prefer targeted ads to random ones and from using iTunes’ Genius function that allowing a company to gather my data can actually benefit me. I hate seeing commercials for SUVs because I don’t have kids and I’ll never, ever fucking buy an SUV, ever. I hate commercials for housecleaning chemicals because I’m not a housewife. I don’t want to see ads for investment firms because I’m poor and I don’t have investments. But if I could turn on my TV and see only ads for things I’m actually interested in – yarn, iPods, Caribbean vacation packages, Neutrogena facial products, jewelry, low-priced eco cars, web hosting, photography, cooking, and related items – I’d be happier about the fact that I’m paying for television in the first place.

They say we self-select for advertisements by the channels we choose, but take KJ as an example. He watches both the Today show (a habit he learned from his family) and the golf channel (because he plays golf), but he’s neither a stay-at-home-mom nor a 60-year-old white male in the $100 per annum bracket. The commercials he sees – tampons and air fresheners or expensive cars and investment services – are still badly targeted.

My television should, whenever I turn it on, ask me who I am and then immediately show me what I am most likely to want to be watching just then. If I don’t like what it’s chosen, it should then show me the second most likely show, and so on through a list that contains only things I like and none of the crap I don’t: in other words, I should never be confronted with the speed channel or a hunting show or that Criss Angel crap unless I specifically go searching for it.

My television should occasionally offer me new stuff to like. If I’ve watched ER for twelve years, it should offer me something else to watch during that slot based on my known and recorded preferences.

My television should have a profile for me alone, and the ability to make another profile for me and my boyfriend together, since we will be likely to watch together different shows than we would separately.

My television should offer me ALL programing on demand, not just the occasional pay-per-view movie. The only live TV should be sporting events, politics, weather, and news; literally everything else should be on-demand because bandwidth and storage are so cheap.

My television should push me all the sci-fi, cooking, travel, history, and comedy I can stand, and protect me from car shows, bad buddy movies, shows about fishing, ghost and psychic phenomena bullshit, and HSN. It should tell me when my favorite old movies are on, it should introduce me to new series, and it should only play ads that I might care about. Other than to turn my TV on and off and to answer the occasional query, I should never have to touch my remote again unless I’m in a weird mood and want to watch something unusual.

Modern TV is completely archaic compared to the intelligence of all our other media, and it’s way past time for somebody to do something about it. Too bad I’m in the wrong industry, or I’d totally invent SmartTV and change the world!

Or the worlds of a bunch of couch potatoes, that is.

Sad News

In which we’ll miss the little poodlet.

G’ma had to have Chipper, her poodle mix, put down last Wednesday.

Chipper

He’d gotten despondent and the vet had put him on meds for diabetes; G’ma and my brother took turns sticking him with a needle twice a day. A week later he was vomiting repeatedly and was one morning nearly non-responsive. G’ma had my uncle take him back to the vet.

Infection in the pancreas, possibly, or cancer; followed by not eating or drinking, followed by emergent renal failure. Rather than subject a twelve-year-old dog to possibly pointless exploratory surgery, she opted to have him put him to sleep. He’s buried out at the farm in Dave’s pet cemetary.

Bye bye, Chipper-doodle, you were a wonderful, weird, and sweet little dog.

I'm a Rockstar, Baby

In which there’s a recap of my weekend, with links to Flickr pix.

Friday night after work I went bowling with the boys. I bowled a kick-ass first game with a final score of 143: that’s over twenty pins higher than my average! W00t. That’s rockstar-style bowling, peeps.

Saturday I had an appointment with my stylist at 2 PM to get new rockstar hair. Sound check was at 3:30. Plenty of time, right? Wrong! The woman colored my hair, did two hair cuts, rinsed me, and then did two more cuts before she did my cut and style! I didn’t get to Sapolil until nearly five. And when I did I looked like a Botox-injectee because she did my eyebrow wax last. I had dye all over my forehead (I still do, actually) and all the skin around my eyebrows was hot pink: this, I suspect, is probably not very rockstar.

But it was so worth it! I really needed my hair colored. It was three inches half dark brown (and silver! …okay, gray) at the roots, with weird washed-out red on the ends from my obnoxious box job from a couple of months ago. But now? It’s all a nice even color, fairly close to my natural one, with cute little highlights. Yay! Rockstars should definitely have nice hair.

The house was absolutely packed Saturday night, SRO even. The crowd was awesome; responsive and fun and supportive. (I felt extra-special because I had two aunts, two uncles, a boyfriend, and a co-worker there to hear me.) For the last set, I had a table full of admiring guys to my right, one of whom apparently plays cuts from my EP on his radio show every week. Rockstars totally get airplay!

I’m not sure we got enough good takes to make a live album, though. I haven’t heard the roughs so who knows… sometimes idiot mistakes and random trainwrecks – of which there were many (I myself fucked up Love For the Blues TWICE) – end up sounding brilliant. Honest. To quote Barefoot, some of the best takes are more “Whoops! I’m a genius” than the actual arrangements you intended to play.

During the show Teh BF ran the board and watched the recording software. I think he had fun.

After the gig, we did what we always do after the gig: we schlepped gear!

After the schlepping, K and I went around the corner to Vintage Cellars for a beer, and I spent an hour wedged into a love seat getting wine drunk with a couple of totally hawt babes who had been at Sapolil for the show. (There are hi-fucking-larious! photos of this pile of drunken women, but you can’t see them because they are Not For Public Viewing according to my partners in crime. Private party photos? Are extremely rockstar!)

After that since we hadn’t had a proper supper, K and I went and ate at Shari’s. (Jesus. No wonder I’m perfectly round.) Pudginess is not very rockstar, but it is pretty diva!

Sunday we slept in, woke up, got busy, got up, drank coffee, and then went to 4-year-old’s birthday party in Milton-Freewater. We gorged on pizza. (Jesus. No wonder I’m perfectly round.) When we could no longer stay awake, we went back to Kaje’s and watched Torchwood Declassified drowsily on the couch. I got dropped off at home around 7:30 and did a load of laundry while I packed my lunch for today. (I still love the bento even though I haven’t gotten around yet to making any hella cute shit yet. (Yes, I said ‘yet’ twice.) Although I think I feel some veggie sushi coming on. Sushi is totally rockstar. Even if it’s homemade.)

Today I rolled into work wearing 9-year-old jeans and a bulky sweater with Crocks, frizzy hair and no makeup. Because on Monday mornings? I’m a call center drone, and totally not a rockstar.

Test Results

In which I’m totally healthy! …except for that nagging little Schizoid tendency.

Here are the boringly normal results of a test I took online (because I saw it on her site):

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid || 10%
Schizoid |||||||||||||| 54%
Schizotypal |||||||||||| 46%
Antisocial |||||||||||| 42%
Borderline |||||| 30%
Histrionic |||||||||| 34%
Narcissistic |||||||||| 38%
Avoidant |||||| 30%
Dependent |||||| 26%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||| 14%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Luckily for me, people are starting to feel that Schizoid is actually just a personality type and not an actual disorder. (I’m really not very Schizoid, though, just your basic extrovert who sometimes holes up in her room and doesn’t answer the phone.)

In other news, I’m going bowling tonight. Tomorrow at two, I’m seeing Jolene for a MUCH NEEDED cut and color. Tomorrow at 8, I’m recording a live album with the Coyote Kings over at Sapolil Cellars’ tasting room on Main. Sunday, I am lying on KJ’s couch all. Day. Long.

Dear California and Florida

In which I go off on the states at the lower corners.

Dear California and Florida,

What is wrong with you people? You just passed legislation that may have nullified what were legal marriages only yesterday. What the fuck for? Are you really that threatened by your gay neighbors being able to, I don’t know, do something utterly fringe and bizarre like put each other on their health insurance policies?

What you’ve done is stupid. Let me explain it like this: What if gays became the majority and decided to vote against your marriages? What if you woke up one morning to discover that the law had nullified your partnership? Well, you’d say ‘we still have our love and each other’ and you’d soldier on, right? But what if you couldn’t go to the hospital and make decisions about your dying wife’s treatment because, hey, you’re not really her husband any longer. What then?

On the one hand, marriage is a spiritual state and law can’t affect it. Any two creatures living in a state of marriage are married whether the law recognizes them or not. But. Marriage is also a legal state, and taking it away from any sector of the population because you think you know what God wants is just plain obscene to me.

Oh, oh, oh, but wait! If we’re defining marriage by its output, if we’re really saying that “only a relationship that can produce children should be called marriage,” then when are we going to start taking marriage rights away from barren couples? Because clearly if you can’t conceive it means your marriage is not sanctified in the eyes of God, right? I mean, isn’t that what you’re saying here? That you know what God wants? And God wants you to be married even if you can’t have babies but not them even if they adopt?

Considering how many unwanted children are out there, I’d think the nation would embrace gay marriage if only to save on welfare funding.

You have to understand that I’m actually anti-marriage in general, but I think everyone should be able to marry if they wish. I tried it myself once and thought it was stupid; I think the whole idea is antiquated and dumb. I don’t think anybody should ever get married. But I know that people will get married, and I also know that married people enjoy all kinds of rights that singles don’t. Even their taxes are lower.

There is no rational reason to legally define marriage as “a union between a man and a woman” except to be a creep. If you’re Christian, you’re going against your own scripture to deliver hurt where none was required. Furthermore, you’re doing it at random: don’t you realize your scripture not only condemns homosexuality, but also says “the faithful are required to kill people who refuse to listen to priests (Deuteronomy), kill fortune-tellers and homosexuals (Leviticus), kill adulterers (Leviticus) wipe out an entire city if a single person in it worships a ‘false god’ (Deuteronomy), kill people who work on the Sabbath (Exodus), kill your family and friends if their religious views differ from your own (Deuteronomy) and so the list goes, in a long crimson stretch of barbarism including death for blasphemers and women who aren’t virgins on their wedding nights” (passage stolen gratefully from Trent). How can you stand your crazy selves? Don’t you know that if you oppose homosexuality by your own lights you should be killed if you’ve ever worked a sabbath?!

I’m so pissed I could just spit. I’m going to shut up now and send you here because I’m too pissed to be rational and he already said it better.

Sincerely,
Mush

All Hallow's Eve

In which there’s bowling, Halloween, gigs, sex, cooking, file size, debt, and the end of DST.

Every Friday there’s a company meeting. Management shuts off the phones for an hour and a half and we all eat lunch and get up to speed on various new policies and whatnot. Last Friday, however, instead of having a meeting we all went bowling. The whole office! And there were monetary prizes! They paid a dime per pin and five bucks per strike; I got $40 for bowling two games. It was pretty freakin’ bitchin’.

On my lunch break, I showered at home and grabbed my tambourine and my lead book and my makeup. I did my face while sitting at my desk and talking on the phone with customers. Shouldn’t my skin be clear now that I’m old? At 8 PM I clocked out and KJ drove me (and my bro, who tagged along to have a few beers) to Dayton.

I walked into the bar and ordered a cocktail and a Gardenburger right off the bat. The gig was a throw-away; we had a sub drummer, only one guitar player, a chorus machine, and a list of bar covers. I only sang about half the night.

The rest of the time I crowd-watched. Between sets, I was sitting outside on the ledge along the front of the building, smoking a cigarette. A drunk boy approached another boy in drag – he was dressed as a girl for Halloween, with fake boobs and a hairy chest – and looked up his skirt. “Aw,” he said, “You’re wearing shorts! Where’s that twelve-inch cock!” The one in drag skittered back, laughing. He was bar tending at the Elk’s next door and wasn’t quite drunk enough to be comfortable getting groped.

“Oh come on, now,” I observed. “You’d probably have squeaked like a girl if he’d been going commando, dude.”

The drunk boy turned and eyed me. “Well, yeah.” Then he marched right up to me, thrust his groin in the general direction of my face as he straddled me, and then he sat right down in my lap. He waved his cigarette. “Do you have a light?” he slurred.

A girl behind him said, “You have your lighter in your hand.” The drunk boy moved his hand behind himself so I couldn’t see it. “Light?” he repeated. He was dressed entirely in brown, my favorite color, but the skin around his eyes and mouth looked older than it should have. Party boy. Lots of mileage.

“Of course I have a lighter,” I said, and dug in my pocket for it, the pocket between my leg and his left thigh. “Let me get it for you.” He squirmed in my lap. He was so drunk he dunked half his cigarette in the flame before he got it lit. “Nice Zippo,” he mumbled.

I slapped his butt. “Nice ass, baby boy,” I said.

He giggled and made a vague nuzzling move with his head toward me and then got up to sit beside me with more grace than I’d expected. He pulled out his cell phone and made a call. It went to voice mail. “Your drug dealer’s not answering,” I observed.

He looked at me, terribly serious in the way that only very drunk people can be, and announced, “I am the drug dealer.”

“You’re adorable,” I said, and went back inside to sing more cheesy shit. The crowd, much to my surprise, stayed all night – in spite of not seeming to particularly like the band – and got drunker. I got drunker too. KJ and Jay sat and watched and wondered what the fuck they were doing there. My new boyfriend Baby Drug Dealer groped me a couple of times; asked me what I was doing later; even came up to the bandstand to say, “Play something really awesome now.” Later, I saw him asleep with his head on a table as we were schlepping gear out.

In the interest of full disclosure, I also saw a drunk girl’s right nipple. She told me I had great tits and complained that having kids had made her fat; I told her she was gorgeous. She showed me her Victoria’s Secret bra; a guy she knew asked for some nipple and – what the hell, we’re standing on the street and we’re drunk and it’s Halloween – she brung it. She was blonde, so the nipple in question was the palest of pinks. Yes, it’s true: all the cool stuff happens to me!

After the gig, Barefoot’s loaded van didn’t want to go home. I spent some time lying on the floorboards shoving a 4-inch copper wire jumper into a slot next to a fuse but the thing still wouldn’t shift out of first gear. He parked it at the cop shop and rode home in the Buick with us.

I wasn’t in bed until three in the morning, but I did get $100 out of the whole deal. And a boy in my lap. And a Gardenburger!

After fewer than three hours of sleep, KJ got up and went to work at nine. I felt really bad for him… but not so bad that I didn’t just roll over and go back to sleep until noon. He came home on his lunch hour and drove me back to G’ma’s. The weather was gray and overcast and rainy and really quite autumnal, so naturally I had a big huge pot of veggie chili ready when they (he and my bro) got home from work at a ten after six.

After gorging on chili, Kaje and I went to his place where we drank cocktails and watched trashy BBC America shows for awhile on the couch. Then we went to bed and ravished each other and passed out. Yay orgasms!

Sunday we slept in. I slept even more in than he did; he got up and made coffee and breakfast. (Best. BF. Ever. He can find the button, he never nags, he runs his own goddamned errands, AND he cooks.) Then we went for a Sunday drive and visited Walmart and the Asian food store on Issacs where I bought salad roll wrappers and sushi vinegar and a few other items in preparation for the arrival of my bento box next week. Sunday evening I went home early and realized that my iPod is now incapable of holding my entire music library… which means I need a new iPod. A nice new 120 gig iPod classic should probably hold me for a few years, but I don’t really want to buy a new iPod just yet. I want to buy a new laptop.

But first I want to pay off my surgeon, my dentist, and that personal loan I got from my mom to move out here (the Loan formerly known as The Great Exploding Jeep Debacle). I’ll be doubling up on payments to them these next couple of months and will then be down to simply paying my debt reduction program; I’ll be able to double-up on that as well.

Eh. Debt. Whatever. If you’d ever seen one of my student loan statements, you’d know I’ll be in debt until I die anyway so what the fuck.

Oh, yeah, so then the clocks were adjusted an hour. DST is over and we’re back to good old Standard Time. I hate DST. I hate starting it, I hate ending it, I hate adjusting my clocks an hour twice a year. Fuck DST. Seriously. It should be abolished, and if I have time later (pun intended) I’ll write to my representatives and demand that they abolish it. Again. (They never do.)

Overall, though, I’d have to say this Halloween beat last year’s hands down. Job, paycheck, gig, a BF, friends, and a stable life. No evil Uterine Monster, either. It’s nice to be a real girl. Too bad boredom and familiarity are setting in again so soon; I really do have a terribly short attention span. Or maybe it’s just the season change. Hurumph.

The New EP is In The Can!

In which I went to the studio last night.

Barefoot has decided that there needs to be a Mush Morgan EP to sell alongside Coyote Kings CDs at blues festivals. To that end, he’s organized the boys and recorded some tracks, and last night I went over to the studio to do some vocals.

I got three charts recorded in three hours. (That sounds like a long time but it’s pretty good, actually, to get a good take in an hour per song.) None of the performances were brilliant, exactly, but I’m sure they’ll do.

All three tracks were originals he wrote. Add the two covers we’ve already done, and presto! A five-song EP! I’m pretty excited to see how they sell at the Rainier Blues Festival, actually.

What I did this weekend!

In which a picture is worth a thousand wo- …oh screw it. Here’s some pix of Ritzville.

On Saturday, the Kings and I played the main stage from 1.30 to 2.30:

Ritzville Main Stage

And then we played a 2-hour set in the Pastime, a wonderfully reesty little bar across the street from the main stage packed with the Best Audience Evar™, from 4 to 6:

Pastime

It was mad wicked fun, and I signed posters and a guitar and posed for photos with fans (“Because you’re gonna be REALLY famous someday!”) and now I’m thinking I might just wanna play music for a living… if I can do it at venues with roadies and stage managers and sound engineers and complimentary bottled water by the case and a musicians’ hospitality lounge serving food and free beer.

Because that kind of gig? IS WAY FUN.

For more pics, visit Kaje’s Flickr set.