In which I’m utterly directionless.
I’ve mentally reviewed my second interview here and have convinced myself that I’m not going to get hired.
They told me last Tuesday that they hoped to have decided “by the end of the week.” Although I exchanged email wishes with the HR chick for a pleasant weekend last Friday, today hasn’t brought any news at all. I remember that the CEO had asked me off-handedly if I’d “be interested in doing help desk work instead,” and at another point he implied that I was perhaps too smart for the job in question. I’ve concluded that I’m not going to get that office manager job because I’m either overqualified or have the wrong temperment.
So. Of the last three jobs I’ve interviewed for, I haven’t been hired for any of them. I have nothing else in the works because I haven’t submitted a resume in over two weeks. I am weeks away from a paycheck at the very least. I’ve always been able to get work, but there’s just no work for me here.
There’s really not much of anything for me here, if I’m honest. I’m not using the resources of this town like I would if I wanted to be here — I don’t go to satsang, I don’t sing at open mics, I don’t do musicals. All I do is party a lot, and sleep even more. Maybe this inability to get a job is a sign that I’m supposed to move away.
I know people in Portland, San Diego, Boulder, Iowa City, and New York. Even though Portland is technically my home town, I don’t know my way around it any more. As an Oregonian I’m socialized to hate California so I’m not sure I’d want to live there again. Boulder and Iowa City don’t really interest me (beyond the way in which any place I could get a job interests me) because I’m really a coastal girl at heart. I love New York, but I have doubts about being able to make it there because I can’t even make it here.
There are lots of reasons I shouldn’t go anywhere: I’d lose my network of friends. I have no money. My credit’s so fucked up that I doubt I could rent an apartment in my name let alone open a checking account, and it’s very difficult to survive like that. I have a dog, which complicates everything from road tripping to being a guest to getting an apartment.
I’m making no contribution to the world at all; I realized yesterday that I’m technically a waste of resources. I’ve been putting off going on public assistance but it’s either that or continue to leech off my roommates, who certainly don’t deserve any such thing. I don’t know if I’m just not trying hard enough or if I’m missing the message. I don’t know what I want because the last time I thought I knew what I wanted, it turned out that I didn’t really want it after all, and now I’m not sure I trust my own desires. I know what I don’t want, but right now that’s not good enough.
I’m desperate and unfocused and feeling useless and marginal, and I am going to turn into a goddamn drunk if I don’t figure out how to focus my life.
. . . … . … . . . … . … . . .
Saturday there was a tremendous ice storm, and we lost power for several hours.
So naturally AmmZon and I went to the bar for bloody marys. And got drunk. Very drunk. I knitted until I was too drunk to continue. My mom had sent me a little money, and I spent too much of it on bullshit. I got home at midnight, and Sunday I suffered the worst hangover I’ve had in a really long time. I didn’t have tea with my friend, and I didn’t make it to Ray’s house to bask in her sauna.
Which totally serves me right.
. . . … . … . . . … . … . . .
Today we didn’t have Internet access until about an hour ago, so I knitted and watched TV and made spinach soup.
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Hun, listen to the old sober woman a minute…. A geographical cure isn’t the answer.
You said it when I was talking about hubby, grossly overqualified for where we all are.
He got a job. In DSM. The pay makes the commute worth it. The pay is almost 3 x what he could make here, and 2x what he was making where you are.
You need to stop the partying and sleeping and look to DSM
He found the job he has on Craigs List
I don’t mean to sound harsh, but lets face it, where we are doesnt have much to offer in the job world
Don’t give up hope yet, it isn’t the end, its a beginning and its all in how you approach it.
I love you , Mush, but damn woman, you gotta get the priorities re aligned.
So you haven’t sent out resumes.. Do it all day tomorrow.
If worse comes to worse, the pipe factory there by you is hiring night production workers
Maybe get a job instead of THE job
Or look to DSM. That may be your only choice as it was with the hubby
You sound like my mother, so thank you. But also, hey, either it is geography or it’s not, either I get a job in this town or in another town: make up your mind, woman! 😉 -m
btw, check your email, i sent you an email
Got it. -m
I’ve got the U of I employment page(s) open right now… looking at a ‘Web Application Developer’ in ITS. Starts at $39k. There are a total of 4 Applications Development and Support jobs listed. There are also three Database Admin and Dev. jobs open. There are a slew of project assistant jobs, as well as secretarial positions (which, I know, would kill you), and even some Merit positions, but they only pay ~$26-30k. All I’m sayin’ is take a look. You can submit your resume online. However, here’s hoping you get some good news today. You never know.
And, as an aside, I think you COULD make it in NYC, Mush. Give it a little time. Hugs, sweetie.
I went to the site; I’m not qualified for their nifty geek jobs. My tech background consists of six years at an ISP doing a bunch of different shit; I don’t have the degree or the three-year experience minimum for most of that stuff. A decent, solid secretary job would suit me just fine for awhile. I’ve started the app process and maybe I’ll move to Iowa City. 😉 -m
Mush- anyone who says that a geographical cure concerning employment isn’t the answer grossly underestimates the power of a saturated job market.
boston is running at less than 5% unemployment. it is very expensive to live here, but jobs pay well. the same is probably true about the nyc and new jersey markets. -G
Good point. -m
http://das.hre.iowa.gov/iowa.jobs.htm
Mush-
That’s the link to apply for State jobs. There are a lot of them open, try one out. Seriously, State work is the way to go. I work for the Iowa Legislature and it’s an awesome place to work, good benefits, good pay, good hours. See if you can get something there. There is no shame on going onto public assistance for a while. Lots of people have to do it, and frankly, you have to eat. Go and apply, they can help you. Just remember, that’s what it was designed for, to help people get back on their feet. Doesn’t mean you are an abuser of the system.
I’ve been on food stamps before… -m
Seattle.
Seattle, Seattle, Seattle.
Or Tacoma.
There’s so much to do here and techie jobs spilling into the Sound.
We’ll just have to waterproof your birks.
Seattle! -m
Mush honey, I feel for you. In fact with more grace than I feel for TGF sometimes because, well your not my partner so the day to day reality of your unemployment doesn’t really impact me. Other than sympathy/empathy, all that stuff.
Greg is right.
Also, about not have the degree, if everything else work apply anyway. Really.
Now go send out a pile of resumes, locally and otherwise.
{blowing you kisses}
Familiarity breeds contempt. I mean, it’s so much easier to feel sorry for someone who isn’t not paying the electric bill! *chuckle* {hugging you back} -m