…I attempted Chinese food!

SAUCE:
sesame oil
soy sauce
rice vinegar
ginger
garlic
red pepper flakes
vegetable/mushroom broth
corn starch & water

VEGETABLES:
baby bok choy
red pepper
onion
carrots
mushrooms
broccoli

CRISPY TOFU:
tofu
corn starch
salt & pepper

SIDE:
brown rice
scallions
sesame seeds

1. Cook brown rice in water with salt.

2. Cube tofu and toss in corn starch, salt, and pepper, and fry in a non-stick pan with oil or ghee. Set aside.

3. In a small bowl, whisk together the first 6 sauce ingredients. Put 1/2 c. of vegetable broth in a handy cup. Whisk cool tap water with corn starch.

4. Stir fry the harder vegetables in the wok in a little oil. When jst starting to soften, add the rest of the vegetables and broth and toss. Cover and allow to steam briefly.

5. When the vegetables are crisp-tender, add the sauce and bring to a brief boil until thickened. Remove from heat and toss until evenly coated.

6. Serve over brown rice with the fried tofu and garnished with scallions and sesame seeds.

 

…when there’s some spinach you need to use up before it goes bad, you can make this awesome salad dressing!

It’s basically the following, in whatever proportions you’re feeling, in a blender: raw spinach, fresh parsley, a clove of garlic, tahini paste, water, lime juice (or lemon), olive oil, salt, and pepper.

 

2 c cooked chickpeas (or any other bean; blackeye peas work well)
375 ml coconut milk
1 tomato, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
4 whole cloves
1.5 tsp turmeric
.5 tsp salt

Combine ingredients, bring to a simmer. Reduce heat and cook for 20 minutes.

Serve over rice.

Make a day ahead and reheat for best flavor.

 

…restaurant-style smooth red salsa is awesome and you totally want some so here’s one OF APPROXIMATELY EIGHT BILLION WAYS to make some for your face to eat.

1 28 oz. can whole peeled tomatoes with juice
2 Tbsp. olive oil
1/2 medium white onion, diced
2-3 large cloves of garlic, chopped
1 large jalapeno, seeded and chopped
1 tsp. chile pequin, or more to taste
1/2 – 1 tsp. ground cumin, to taste
1/2 tsp. coarsely ground black pepper, or 1/4 tsp. regular grind
1/2 lime, juiced, or about 1/2 tsp. cider vinegar
salt to taste

Heat the oil in a pan over low-medium heat Add the onion, jalapeno, and garlic, and sautee for three minutes. Add the chile pequin, cumin seeds, and pepper. Sautee for another 2-3 minutes. Remove from heat.

Add the sauteed mixture to the chopped tomatoes and puree — in a blender, food processor, or with an immersion blender — until smooth. Add any remaining tomato juice, lime juice, and salt. Adjust seasonings and serve with tortilla chips.

Notes: 1-Most of these measurements are ballpark; I think I used more oil and less pepper, but whatever, I was winging it. Everything is to taste. 2-You can add a few pinches of dried oregano or epazote if you want to. 3-You can also roast some or most of the ingredients for added deliciousness — the jalapeno, for example, would be great roasted — if you’re feeling energetic.

 

In which I made a pot pie! My first ever! And lo, it was good stuff!

From December 23, 2014.

Crust

• 1-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) cold salted butter, diced
• 3-5 tablespoons iced water

1. Using fingers, rub the butter and flour together until no piece of butter is larger than a pea.
2. Add 3 tablespoons of iced water and mix.
3. Continue adding water if needed until the dough just barely holds together. It will look ragged.
4. Turn the dough out onto the counter. Form dough into a disk, wrap tightly in plastic, and refrigerate until firm, at least an hour (preferably 3) or overnight, or freeze for up to a month.

Notes: After dicing the butter, put it into a bowl and keep in the freezer until both are very cold, about ten minutes or so. You can also chill the flour if the weather is warm. Iced water must be literally iced, not just cold tap.

(Adapted from www.marthastewart.com/891257/classic-chicken-potpie.)

Filling

• 1 medium potato, diced
• 1 large carrot, diced, about 2/3 cup
• 1 small crown broccoli, cut into small florets, about 1-1/2 cup
• 2/3 (14-ounce) package firm tofu, preferrably frozen, thawed, and squeezed dry, cut into small cubes
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 cup half and half, warmed
• 1/2 c. of the water the veggies were simmered in
• 1/2 (8- ounce) package shredded cheddar
• 1/2 teaspoon paprika
• salt & pepper to taste
• Pinch of cayenne

1. Bring a pot of water to a boil. Add the potato to the boiling water, reduce to a simmer, and cook for 10 minutes.
2. Add carrots to the potatoes and cook for 2 more minutes.
3. Add the broccoli and cook for 4 more minutes. Turn off heat.
4. Melt the butter over low heat. Add the garlic and cook for 2 minutes. Stir in the flour and cook for 1 minute.
5. Slowly whisk in the half and half and broth and continue whisking until mixture is smooth.
6. Turn heat up to medium and whisk frequently as sauce thickens, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat.
7. Add cheese, paprika, salt, and cayenne. Stir until cheese melts. Add salt and pepper.
8. Fold in the tofu and drained veggies.

(Adapted from chezcayenne.com/2014/03/vegan-broccoli-cheese-pot-pie/.)

Assembly & Baking

1. Place the filling in a 1-1/2 quart casserole dish.
2. Roll out the dough to 1/8″ thickness and trim to a size that will overhang the edges of the casserole slightly. Lift the dough onto the casserole and roll the edges under, making an edge as you go. Cut steam vents in the crust.
3. Bake in a 350° oven (on a cookie sheet) until golden brown and bubbly, 45 – 55 minutes.
4. Remove from oven and let rest for 10 – 15 minutes. Serve.

Makes 4-6 servings.

 

In which this soup came out PERFECTLY DELICIOUS.

Black Bean and Lime Soup

4 Tbsp. olive oil
1 onion, white, diced
1 bell pepper, red, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 rib celery, chopped
1 jalapeno, minced
2 cups broth
3 cans black beans
2 tsp. apple cider vinegar
1/2 tsp. cumin
1/4 tsp. coriander
1/2 tsp. chili powder
1 bay leaf
salt & pepper, to taste
hot sauce, to taste
lime juice, to taste

Put a few tablespoons of oil into the bottom of a pan. Add onion, jalapeno, red bell pepper, garlic, and celery. Sautee until soft.

Add 2 cups of broth, two cans of drained and rinsed black beans, spices, and apple cider vinegar. Simmer until tender. Remove from heat and allow to cool.

Puree soup in a blender or food processor. Return to pan, add final can of drained and rinsed black beans. Heat. Adjust seasoning with salt, pepper, and hot sauce.

To serve, add lime juice and garnish with sour cream, avocado, tomato, and/or cheese.

If you freeze this soup, withhold lime juice until serving time.

 

In which this is the restaurant-style enchilada sauce recipe you’ve been looking for!

Or at least it’s the one I’ve been looking for, for, like, ten years.

This recipe makes a mild but rich chili gravy absolutely perfect for the traditional Tex Mex cheese & onion enchilada. It’s also remarkably thick, but you can thin it with water to the desired consistency.

Enchilada Gravy

1/3 cup vegetable oil
2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1-1/3 Tbsp. chile powder (I use ground ancho chile powder rather than American chili powder, which is a blend and cannot be trusted, but use what you have)
1 tsp. ground cumin
1 tsp. garlic powder
2 tsp. salt, or to taste
1⁄4-1/2 tsp. ground black pepper
3-4 (or more) cups water (depends on your flour)

Cook the oil and flour together over low heat until the flour is no longer raw, at least five minutes, whisking frequently. It will be a very thick paste. Add the chili, cumin, and garlic powders and stir.

Add water, salt & pepper and whisk until smooth. Simmer over low flame for at least 15 minutes to marry flavors.

This makes a lot of gravy. Freeze the rest for next time!

Adapted from:
www.food.com/recipe/authentic-tex-mexican-enchiladas-116046

Notes: This gravy doesn’t come back together after freezing until it reaches boiling. Just keep whisking it and adding small amounts of water; it’ll eventually stop looking like weird Jello!

 

In which… blargh. Brain dump, no thesis.

Okay, so, yes, I was still in bed at one o’clock when my better half called to ask me to find his wallet, which he’d forgotten and might be in his jacket, to read him a card number so he could put it on some gas station account and maybe be able to buy gas on the way home later. Yes, what of it? It’s my Day Off.

I may have drunk half a pint of vodka last night, with San Pellegrino limonata? Yum.

Also, sleeping is fucking wonderful. I oversleep to keep the balance for all you sleep-deprived conscious entities!

It’s a lovely and cheery sunny day. It’s fucking uplifting, is what it is. I’ve made the bed and have a coffee shop smooth jazz feed playing. I need to: do the dishes. Do a load or two of laundry. Figure out what to make for dinner. Order groceries. Put the Christmas shit INTO THE FUCKING BASEMENT ALREADY OMFG WHAT. Maybe write a journal entry.

I’d considered suiting up and going to Bob’s for coffee, but I have tons of espresso (ordered some from Amazon, figuring we wouldn’t get out to shop, then he bought me some anyway, and so come over if you want a shot or two of ‘sspro, okay) and there was still milk, so I made myself a latte. Pennies on the dollar, as they say.

My shitty hand-me-down office chair is so wonked now that if I sit perfectly still it wobbles to my heartbeat. Vrrr-vrrr-vrrr. One day I’m going to lean back to stretch and I’ll end up wiping out all over the floor. That will likely be the day I finally order a new chair. What I really want is a piano bench on wheels. That would be tits. Keep papers in it, sit cross-legged, still be able to move it around.

Or just, you know, get rid of this stupid desk altogether, put a board over a couple of milk crates for my monitors, and sit right on the floor like I used to. Most furniture is highly overrated anyway when there’s already a perfectly good floor to sit on.

Recently read some bullshit about millennial males not having bed frames, like, you go back to his place and his mattresses are on the floor and this indicates some psychological failure on his part. Our bed’s on the floor, and when I was single I, a Gen Xer, thank you very much, put the bed frame in the attic and put my bed on the floor. So whatever, nerds. Doesn’t matter if wasting time and money on a bed frame isn’t a priority for someone; after all, people move a lot these days, and bed frames are heavy and stupid, generally, and don’t really accomplish anything you need (beyond making space for you to shove crap under the bed) now that most floors are warm and don’t have rats. I mean, regardless of what your hormones are telling you, you generally know immediately if he’s immature without seeing his furniture, and nobody cares about fucking bed frames.

I think I’m getting bored of vaping. I’ve been buying the same strength (6mg) ejuice for over a year now and think I’ll drop to 3mg on my next batch. Honestly, though, and this is the main thing, I need nicotine to poop, and that’s why I keep blowing off going to 0mg juice: I don’t want to be constipated for the days or weeks or months it’ll take my body to adjust. When you’ve been ingesting nicotine for as long as I have, it definitely affects your gut behavior. The last time I was sick I got bronchitis, so naturally didn’t vape for like ten days, and probably pooped twice. Hell with that.

My terrible habit of letting my hair get super snarled and then brushing it rather violently with a shitty plastic brush has resulted in a chunk behind my left ear that’s much shorter than all the rest of my hair. Now it just sticks out and I have to use a bobby pin. I wish I had the sort of face and neck you need to just shave your fucking head… although I wear my hair up all the time because A. my hair is fine and annoying so I dislike it touching me and B. I work food service. So in terms of what people have to look at, I might as well just shave it off, really. It’s been years since I’ve had a proper posh cut and color and maybe I should just throw some money at that, so I can continue to wear it up anyway.

Okay, I’ve ordered groceries so I guess I’d better do the dishes to clear off the counter space. And then I absolutely REALLY SHOULD stack all the Xmas stuff on the sofa so it’s staged for Operation: Take This Fucking Shit Down Stairs Already You Utter Cow It’s Past Valentine’s Day Already What The Hell Is The Matter With You.

 

In which there’s a shitload of flowers.

HAPPEH V.D. TO ALL

 

In which it’s winter.

We’ve had, like, idk, 22″ of snowfall, in a week and a half?