In which I contemplate how stupid I am. And then we talk about clothes!

I got wasted on my 21st birthday, of course, but I did very little drinking back then. I started drinking regularly in my late 20’s when I lived in Iowa, mostly because there’s nothing else to do when you live in a fly-over state.

The first year after I left my husband, I drank a lot. It was intentional; I wasted a year being a stupid lump because I needed to.

But now I’m stable. I have a job, a home, and friends. I also have a shitty habit of drinking from two to five cocktails every single fucking day whether I want them or not.

I abstain maybe two or three days per month, which is pathetic. Clearly I’m drinking too much – pouring nearly a fifth of vodka through my liver each week, and I’ve been doing so for the past eight or nine months.

When I wake up pissed off and groggy in the morning and remember that I had three or four drinks the night before, I resolve that today I’m going to give it a rest. But then I work all day, and when quitting time rolls around it just seems like a really swell idea to have an after-work cocktail. Or two. Or three.

I have a few on Saturday nights after Teh BF gets off work, too. And we often have a couple on Sunday afternoons before I go home. Just because we can, and we’re in the habit of doing so.

This is fucking ridiculous.

Exacerbating my drinking problem is the fact that the bartenders at the PnE pour really, really, really heavy, and three drinks there is more like five or six.

And no one needs five shots of well vodka on a school night, not ever.

Alcohol is poisonous. It’s bad for heart health, it’s bad for mental health, and it’s a total waste of money. Plus my kidneys are going to fail if I don’t cut this shit out.

Turning into a drunk because you’re miserable and your life is fucked up is one thing; turning into a drunk because you’ve developed a habit of doing a particular behavior at certain times (“It’s eight-thirty so it must be time to drink” or “It’s Sunday afternoon so I should have a bloody mary”) is just stupid.

Oh, and there’s a history of alcoholism in my family, too.

So. Being that all these things are true, I’m boycotting booze. Starting right now. For at least two weeks. If I go out, I’ll have water or soda. If I stay in, I’ll have water or juice. I have never been a daily drinker, not even in the darkest depths of the post-marriage year, and this is not a habit I want to keep.

Not to mention that all of those empty calories are wreaking havoc on my pudge.

In other news, yesterday I spent my tax return (after dutifully observing Vuboq’s 2nd Annual 10% Refund Challenge) on some new clothes: I got this dress in chocolate, and this hoodie in midnight.

I already have the dress in a wacky bluebird color that totally doesn’t match anything else I own. I bought it about a year ago, and I wear the crap out of it because it’s soooo comfy and it just layers so well! And do you know what?

You: No, what!

Me: The maker said that I can send my old one in and she’ll freshen up the hem and the color for me! Can you beat that?

You: Um, no?

Me: No, no, you cannot beat that! Not even with a big stick!