Category Archives: Life

Craptastic

Blurbs

In which I complain, and confess to having a mysterious rash. (No, no no no, not THERE. Christ, what’s wrong with you?)

The plastic zipper on my down-filled vest sucks. It catches on nothing and it always takes me multiple tries to get it unzipped. If the vest wasn’t so warm I wouldn’t put up with this shit.

It’s cold outside. I don’t dig it. If it were summer, I wouldn’t have to wear down vests in the first place, I’d be wearing a tank and a skirt and my Birks and it would be fantastic.

In other news, I have a weird rash on my palms. Both of them. It’s a bunch of tiny little subcutaneous blister-like dots. I have no idea what it is – I’ve never seen anything like this anywhere on my body. It started several days ago as an itchy patch at the base of my right thumb, then it went away, and yesterday afternoon it came back all over both palms and up my right pinkie finger. The sensation is a combination of burning tightness and itchiness.

palm rash

As I’ve always got minor abrasions on my hands in the winter from handling firewood, I’m assuming it’s some relative of the ringworm/jock itch/athlete’s foot fungus, and that Lamasil or something similar will remove it… except I’ve had ringworm, and this isn’t ring-shaped. Then again, maybe I have lupus. Or herpes. Or Rocky Mountain spotted fever!

Or maybe I’m just dehydrated and a little bit toxic.

Update: Well, now it’s November 2008 and I see that this page gets a lot of hits. My rash went away by itself. I now believe it was the result of toxicity; I was under a lot of stress at the time and I’d been doing non-OTC drugs regularly.

Laptop Envy

Blurbs

In which wanting and needing are not the same thing.

I just walked over to the 2nd Street coffee shop, where I bought a latté and a piece of Bonnie’s strange-but-good veggie lasagna. (She makes the sauce spicier than is typical, and there’s always broccoli in it. Plus she makes odd cheese choices sometimes. But her lasagna rocks anyway.) There were three people in there with their laptops, enjoying the wi-fi. Bastards. I want a laptop! I want to surf the ‘net at the coffee shop on a sexy, sleek laptop!

But since Bread quit his job today, I don’t see a shiny new laptop in my near future.

Continue reading Laptop Envy →

After Five Days, I Wish I Were Dead

Health

In which I get all gyno. Readers indifferent to or uncomfortable with talk of cycles, bleeding, and my totally bitchy uterus may skip this entry.

You know what they say: “Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.”

I’ve had a regular cycle since I started bleeding at 12. I was often surprized by my period because if I didn’t look at a calendar there weren’t any symptoms to let me know it was on its way. It was generally cramp-free and three days long. I never got PMS. I could even alter my cycle by will alone – a skill I learned by consciously monitoring the moon’s phases – and which came in handy when I had a big event or a vacation coming up.

Then I turned 30, which was something of a mistake (and something I suggest you younger women avoid at all costs). I was surprized when I started getting PMS, first in the form of feeling really cranky, and later as full-fledged mental instability. Within two years, I had great sympathy for those of my sisters who have been plagued with the psychosis of PMS since their teens. By 35, I had deep and abiding empathy for those women who need a fucking morphine drip when they’re on the rag. And the horror stories I’d heard over the years about cramps so bad they induced tears and hours in the fetal position were no longer just stories to me.

Continue reading After Five Days, I Wish I Were Dead →

New Drums Are So Hot

Blurbs, MP3s

In which my brother got a new drum kit.

This is one of the dozen images my brother emailed me of his new drum kit.

On the phone today he told me, “My new drum kit is so hot it’s going to have my kids. As soon as I find its vagina, that is.”

In other news, this will cheer you up. He’s so funky, the Purple One.

Sleepy Girl

Blurbs, Music

Yesterday was a long day.

I got home really late Tuesday night because rehearsal went so long, then I sat reading and unwinding for a bit before going to bed. I didn’t get enough sleep that night. Yesterday I worked until five, met Bread at the bar and had dinner with him at Torino’s, then went to rehearsal again. Didn’t get home until late but had to wake him up and ravish him because he’d made me promise I would at dinner, so I didn’t get to sleep last night until well past midnight.

Today I have rehearsal at seven and we’re running through the whole set twice, so I doubt I’ll be home before eleven. I am so sleeping in tomorrow! But then my house is a total mess and I still need to buy shoes for the gig, so I guess I’ll have to actually do something Friday rather than lounge on the couch watching TiVo’d episodes of Sex and the City re-runs as I’d like.

I’m really excited about the gig but right now I want a nap so badly I can barely keep my eyes open. I think I’ll buzz home at five and take a power nap before rehearsal, and show up with a sleepy voice rather than a sleepy head.

Brrr

Blurbs, Weather

In which winter begins to suck again in earnest.

It’s getting cold outside again and I’m not wearing warm enough clothes. It was sorta-kinda nice this morning when I dressed but now the temperature is plummeting.

I do not own a single pair of black shoes. How the hell did this happen? I’m wearing brown shoes with black pants and a black sweater. The soles of the brown shoes are black, at least, but still. How can I not own any black shoes?! WHO DOESN’T OWN ANY BLACK SHOES, I ASK YOU?!

Wedding Quilt

Blurbs

In which you check out the Sleep Number bed! Hah!

When I got married four years ago, my mother said she’d make me (us) a wedding quilt. She asked, “What color would you like?”

And I promptly replied, “Orange. And king-sized!”

She coughed a little, but her eyes were twinkling. “Orange, did you say? Orange? No one’s ever said that before.” The woman’s a master quilter, and loves a challenge. It took her four years, but she delivered. Behold the wonderful, strange, orange wedding quilt:

Pretty crazy, eh? Isn’t it weird? I think I love it. I can use it as an excuse to buy blue, purple, orange, and yellow sheets. (The green flannel sheets pictured are brand new. I love new sheets!)

The back of this handmade gem is entirely bright OSHA orange and could easily be used to flag down help should the bed ever find itself in trouble on the highway.

Meatmas

Blurbs

An inter-office IM conversation from this morning.

Mark S. says:
consider yourself lucky that you aren’t my sister
Michelle M. says:
uh, okay – I’ll start on that right away
Mark S. says:
my father gave my sister and i each 200 lbs. of beef and 100 lbs. of pork for christmas
Mark S. says:
awesome for me, not such a good gift for you
Michelle M. says:
*blink*
Michelle M. says:
wait
Michelle M. says:
did you just say
Michelle M. says:
did you just say that you got THREE HUNDRED POUNDS OF MEAT for Xmas?!?!
Mark S. says:
approximately, yes
Michelle M. says:
oh. my. god.

Presents

Blurbs

Apparently I was good… enough.

Behold my astonishingly long list of delicious Xmas goodies!

  • 2 brown super-soft bath sheets
  • socks (wool and angora – yum)
  • a long-sleeved t-shirt
  • a spring green down vest
  • black velvet drawstring pants
  • 3 knives, including a super cool dicer
  • 3 Pyrex baking dishes
  • Tupperware containers
  • a Barnes & Noble gift card
  • The Cool Girl’s Guide to Knitting
  • 2 hand-painted bowls (the deep kind that are great for cereal)
  • a beaded coin purse with a $50 bill in it
  • a $35 check
  • my lovely guitar, of course

Amazing, huh? I’m probably way too old to get so many gifties, but I sure ain’t complaining. I love presents!

Merry Christmas!

Blurbs

In which I did NOT get to sleep in, not even a little bit.

Our niece, Parker, gets up at five in the morning – greeting the day with a hearty bellow. This causes one parent or the other to bash around the kitchen preparing a bottle; shortly afterward someone’s making pot after pot of coffee and the next thing you know someone’s making hash browns.

Here’s what the tree looked like somewhere in the neighborhood of seven in the morning:

Xmas Tree

I’d already eaten breakfast by 8:30. That’s IN THE MORNING, people.

Other than only sleeping five hours, we had a great time. The food was yummy, the atmosphere was relaxed and mellow, the presents were wonderful, and Miss Parker’s a lot of fun now that she’s mobile.

Parker in her high chair on Xmas morning 2005

When Bread and I got home this afternoon, we did not clean house, take out the trash, put away our gifts, write thank-you notes, or sweep the floors. We promptly took five-hour naps… because we can.