In which I’m broke, ugly, and underexposed. And at work.
We’re so broke that I’m taking the change jar in today, to the only bank in town with a change machine. I’ll stand there nervously hoping I’ve removed all the cigarette butts and nails and rocks and roaches and pocket fuzz and other weird crap while the teller pours the money into the machine. Most of the change in our change jar comes right out of Bread’s pockets, along with all the other crap that his pockets hold, and the rest is more or less salvaged from the laundry-doing process. I sift through it before I take it in, and it’s probable that the tellers don’t even give a shit when there’s detrius in the coins, but it makes me strangely anxious anyway. With the bills I’ll get in exchange, I’ll buy food: dog food, cat food. People food. (Yes, we’re that broke. Hopefully Bread’s final check will actually come through this week so he can rent a goddamned snake already and I can take a shower sans the fear of getting shit on my ankles.)
I seem to be suffering a second adolescence. I have two gigantic blemishes on my face — one right on the bridge of my nose, and another above my right eyebrow. Bread mentioned them yesterday, asking, “Who’d you piss off to deserve those?” I didn’t tell him I have two more on my back. I’m thirty-seven, fer chrissakes! I’ve had bad skin all my life, and to this very day I bear both the scars and the huge pores. Aren’t I exempt yet? Haven’t I suffered enough?
I’ve only seen four five of the movies that received Oscar nominations this year. And one of those was Batman Begins, which hardly even counts. I’m pleased Reese got a nod for Walk The Line; she nailed that role. I’d like to go to an Oscars party with some cinephiles; unfortunately, I don’t think I know any cinephiles any more. I’d watch the Oscars at home but Bread probably won’t give me the clicker and even if he did watching all those beautiful people in their expensive clothes with their white, white teeth would probably just make me feel ugly, fat, and provincial anyway. But I do love me some Jon Stewart. Cute bastard, ain’t he?
It’s Tuesday, so I’m at work. Work kinda rocks now, what with my groovy new flat screen monitor and all. I wish I had a monitor like this at home!
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I am originally from Iowa, maybe it’s a midwest thing, but I have multiple change jars. They never get full, I am always cashing them in at two-thirds. I can tape the Oscars for you and you can watch it at your leisure when Bread is not around, if you’d like.
I’ve only seen 6 of the Oscar pics, and one of those was *gasp* War of the Worlds.
I have no excuse.
I wonder if an live-blogging/chatroom kind of online Oscars party could be arranged? That might be fun 🙂
*smooch*
Clem ~ You’re a doll. I can TiVo it if I wanna.
Boi~ Oh, yeah, in that case I saw five! I forgot about War Of The Worlds. I mean, who didn’t?
Oh lord, we have the same skin too.
I’m getting a nice one right above my eye after having a triple-cluster (one GIGUNDO) on my neck that looked like I was sprouting a second head.
broke too.. sniff.
best wishes my long distance lover,
jjd
I like to think of myself as a cinephile. I feel like this post you just wrote is me. Blemished and broke.
Boo for skin blemishes!
I bet Hasbro cast a wicked spell on you cuz they didn’t think the “my little pony porn” entry was as funny as the rest of us did. 😉
But somebody else has decided that my little pony and porn go together–
http://www.brunching.com/pornorpony.html
l,
V
OMGWTFBBQ! I TOTALLY FLUNKED THAT PORNSTAR/PONY TEST!
*collapses into giggles*
Awesome link, V.
wow… i must be an ubercinegeek, i’ve seen 14 of those flicks. i guess when you have super high speed internet and a killer file sharing app with ppl that rip dvd screeners and then share them you get alot of entertainment. in fact, i think i’ll watch narnicles of chronia now and make it 15.
so… Narnicles of Chronia might be cool iffin i was 10 years old.
I flunked the ponystar test too!
I have that skin too. I now have wrinkles and zits. This seems like taking things too far.
The list of films with an Oscar nomination for some aspect includes, amazingly enough, all of the following: Harry Potter, Star Wars III, War of the Worlds, Batman Begins, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, ANDMarch of those goddamn Penguins–all of which I’ve seen, embarrassingly enough. (For anyone attempting to catch up at the last minute, you might want to skip that last one, or else check out my March of the Penguins drinking game–please excuse this shameless self-promotion, I consider it a public service).
Pony/pornstar test…. so totally flunked.