Brett seems convinced that we’ve never before done what we did last night, which was go to bed for the purpose of Doing It, and then not Do It.

It’s not that we didn’t do anything, it’s just that we never got around to Doing It. Am I making myself clear? WE GOT DISTRACTED.

ALONG THE WAY. As it were.

After some cuddling and rearranging of bedding, during which my beloved offered to buy me dinner in any nearby town of my choice, we got dressed. And Brett said, “I don’t think that’s ever happened before.”

“What?” I asked. (I was, of course, fairly certain that all of it had happened before. Unless something spectacular had happened to him that I’d failed to notice, which was unlikely considering where my head had been at the time.)

“That we came up here to have sex and we didn’t.”

“Ah,” I said, finally tracking. “You mean intercourse.” (I even twitched my fingers on either side of the word, like quotemarks, because while it’s a fine word for your doctor you just can’t say “intercourse” seriously in front of someone who just put his–well. Anyway. Slang is just so much earthier.)

“Well, yeah. But I don’t think we’ve ever done just that before. Well, unless we had to.”

“Dude, we’ve been together for six years!” I exclaimed. “There’s simply NO WAY we’ve never done just that before. None.”

He shrugged.

I thought about it. “But, but – really? Do you honestly think we’ve never done just that before?”

He didn’t think we’d ever done just that before. You know, unless we had to.

While driving to town to get drive-thru – since it was well past nine and I was starving – I thought as furiously as I could but had to admit defeat when I realized that I couldn’t remember a single time we’d ever gone to bed and “just,” you know, didn’t manage to at least nod in the general direction of the Main Event, either.

I just don’t see how this is even POSSIBLE! We’ve been getting naked together for Over. Seven. Years! How could it be that we never had such an interlude before? Didn’t we date, back at the beginning? HOW CAN THIS EVEN BE POSSIBLE?!?!

Now I wish I’d blogged more about my sex life, so I could look it up and say, “Look, we spent weeks on this back in 2002!” and feel relieved. I’m totally freaked out. I mean, what if we’re running some kind of oral-only deficit, and it all comes due at once?!??