In which things have changed.
Separated. I guess that’s the term.
We’ve been talking a lot since he got back from Indianapolis, and Wednesday afternoon after class it all came to a head. One of us had to leave, he said. I don’t blame him; I haven’t been giving him much of anything for quite awhile now. Not only don’t I want to, but I can’t.
So I left.
I packed an overnight bag and drove to town. No money, no job, no place to stay. I parked in the municipal lot next to 2nd Street Coffee and slouched in my seat with my sunglasses on and smoked. Nodded at a few people I knew who walked by. Felt weird and shocked and disassociated.
Finally got out of the car and walked over to the bar because I couldn’t decide what else to do.
I got shitfaced. Stayed up until two in the morning. Slept on the cramped little loveseat in Gorgeous’ basement. Woke up at eight the next morning, still drunk because I’d been drinking on an empty stomach.
Class started at nine. I sat next to him, in the spot I’d been in all week. He was pleasant. I rode with him and BoSe on the ‘field trip’ to see a building under construction. Had lunch with him at Subway.
I guess I need to find an apartment or house I can rent that takes dogs. I need to get a full-time job; there’s more data entry for me to do at WGI but there’s been no discussion about it being either permanent or full-time.
After completing this class, I could feasibly be deployed to do CAT insurance adjusting when/if Ernesto hits, but I wouldn’t be able to go because I can’t afford it. So now I’m qualified for a discipline I can’t work in because it takes money to make money.
It’s kind of freeing, really, having nothing at all.
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Holy shit, Mush! You okay? I’m really sorry to read this. Big hugs to you, girl!!!
Thanks. I’m okay. *hug* -m
Of course, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” I think this is exactly what we were talking about this afternoon.
Although I know it hurts, hon, I think you’ve opened the door…
You’re welcome to stay with me if necessary. B-t-w, I need to make around $8000 over the next several years to be able to afford my own lifestyle…need a mobile house to go from job to job?
I really don’t know what to say. I wish I did.
I hope you have a good support network out there. From what I’ve read, it sounds like you have some wonderful and generous friends who will lend a hand. If your “freedom” blows you through Colorado… well… I have a couch and bunch of blankets that you’re more than welcome to.
About seven years ago, I went through something similar. I spent a couple nights in my car, a couple nights here and there on friends’ couches, a week on my mom’s couch… the thing is, regardless of where you go from here and what you decide about your life, this kind of stuff is can lead to better things in the long run.
If your freedom blows you from Colorado to BC, you are welcome here too…
my heart hurts for you mush. but i’m glad you have such good friends there. i’m thinking of you…and trusting that better things are just around the corner.
(hugs)
wow!! you sure know how to take a person by surprise. i wish i was there to help out, or even be a shoulder to talk to, or something like that. i know that things weren’t great for sometime, despite that you love each other. remember to take care of yourself.