In which I shamelessly read total trash.
Hi, it’s midnight. I’m awake because I spent most of the day dozing between bouts of Cramps From Hell™ and reading total crap.
I’m reading more My Little Pony porn.
And what’s My Little Pony porn, you ask? Good question! See, it’s like this. Last year we had an RAOK over at my knitting site, and my secret pal sent me a trashy paperback in one of her packages. It looked stupid and vapid so I let it sit around for months and months, but eventually I found myself with nothing else to read and, like the whore I am, I cracked the cover.
I read the entire thing in one sitting.
It was this weird combo of, like, elf fantasy and light erotica. With a touch of bondage. Oh, and blood sport. Nothing I would ever have purchased, ever, but I was hard up and just like a bag of cheesy poofs once I started I couldn’t stop. The heroine — magical, petite, drop-dead gorgeous and, of course, totally buxom — somehow ended up with this stable of sidhe men who were supposed to be getting her pregnant so she could inherit the unseelie kingdom or something, and they were all like 6’2″ and buff as hell and armed with swords and knives and totally hot with perfect physiques and outrageous costumes of laced-crotch leather pants and harnesses and capes and shit, and they all had tri-colored irises and hip-length hair ranging in color — and now you’ll begin to understand — from midnight black to sea green to lavender. (Don’t ask me how, but it worked. Maybe it was the near-gangbang scene in one of the first few chapters?) Anyway, our heroine gets laid in every single chapter, usually by two or three or more of her stable, and some of them even sprout wings (I shit you not) while gettin’ busy with her.
It was the weirdest thing I’d ever read, and since I read a few hundred books every year I read some weird shit.
So when I passed the book along to NLW a few weeks later, I dubbed it My Little Pony porn because I couldn’t think of a better way to describe it. All that long, colored hair. Once she’d read it too, the phrase stuck – it totally is My Little Pony porn.
Turns out the author had written several books in the series, which NLW and I both read because, well, it’s My Little Pony porn and it’s stronger than we are! And apparently there’s another series by the same chick only with vampires instead of faeries and which NLW — purely to punish me for giving her the My Little Pony porn in the first place — loaned to me the last time I saw her.
Don’t click on the links. I’m serious. My Little Pony porn is evil. EEE. VIL.