In which saving teeth is far from cheap.
The pandemic started and I kept getting money. Not complaining, but it was a bit baffling: the stimulus check, then two aunts and an uncle sent cash, bless them, and then a Minnesota tax refund I’d forgotten about filing for appeared. All told, a few grand.
And then I went to the dentist and figured out what the windfall was for.
I spent about $400 on x-rays, an exam, and n really intense cleaning, then another $1,400 at the periodontist on saving an old root canal, and tomorrow another couple hundred getting the crown fixed.
Next month, another grand at the endodontist saving yet another tooth.
And after that, all my surprise pandemic money will be spent! I’m glad I could afford all this as otherwise I probably would have had two teeth pulled, and I guess having teeth is better than not having them.
In which too many are not, for a variety of reasons I won’t get into, taking this shit seriously.
Half the customers in the cheese shop these past few weeks have been tourists. White people on vacation to wine country, visiting tasting rooms, hotels, restaurants, and my place of work in sleepy little rural Oregon, for the purpose of “stimulating the economy” and getting drunk and, possibly, spreading a killing, maiming disease to a bunch of service workers who have no choice but to show up at work and pull a paycheck to make those ends meet.
Mask-wearing in my shop in general is now over 90%, but I had a customer last week whose mask was, I shit you not, beaded, and made of sheer, lavender gauze. Decorative, but completely useless. An agree-to-comply-but-don’t-comply fuck you to everyone with whom the damn woman comes into contact. Including me.
Fuck her. Seriously. And everyone like her.
I smoked for 31 years. So I’m not eligible for a lung transplant, you ignorant bitch. Enjoy your non-essential impulse buys!
I don’t blame people who go to work sick because they have to, but nobody has to bring six fucking people into a goddamned cheese shop in BFE wearing a useless mask. That’s just being an ignorant, selfish, childish asshole.
Look at this goddamned map; click through and read:
The majority of the nation is in “uncontrolled spread” of Covid-19. Let me state that you do NOT “need” to:
– go to fuckin’ Disney
– go to large parties (sorry about your enormous wedding, but shit happens)
– come to my county as a fucking tourist during a pandemic
– fly somewhere just for fun
– get your hair or nails done
– hang out maskless in any public space (not even you drunk fucks smoking outside the Elks)
– go to games or concerts.
FFS, you need to stay HOME except for essential activities. Groceries, health care, funerals maybe. Essential work. Not vacations and shopping and dining out.
Shut shit down, send the “menial” (but SO essential) low-paid, high-risk service workers home, and give them money to live on. We can afford it. Mail the fucking checks, every month. Meanwhile, institute contact tracing and rapid testing and all the shit we failed, stupidly, to do the first goddamned time.
ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY FOUR THOUSAND DEAD HUMAN BEINGS in this country, you absolute shitheads. If we put all those dead bodies in coffins and stacked them up, it would be a cube 3.24 miles per side. Imagine a cube more than three miles per side in the center of your city: THOSE ARE OUR COVID DEAD.
My county, Umatilla, has been shut back down to baseline as of tomorrow at noon because we’re at 234.4 cases per 10,000 people:
It’s not just live or die with this virus. Those who live are, evidence is beginning to show, often very fucked up. There are people who may never breathe properly again. I saw several who presented two months after getting over a mild case only to die in the hospital of sudden cardiac arrest. Victims report exhaustion and weakness and fatigue for months and months.
There are people who had mild or asymptomatic versions of this disease in March who are now presenting with lung damage and blood clots. There have already been lung transplants and amputations and heart failure.
This thing’s been here for barely half a year, we know very little about it. It’s not the fucking flu; the flu doesn’t turn your blood to sludge and ruin your heart and lungs like this shit does.
Stay home as much as you can. Wear a mask when you can’t, and wash your FUCKING hands.
I don’t know how to convince you to care about other people.
In which THERE WAS AN EXPENSIVE DENTAL PROCEDURE.
Last week, on a whim, I called the dentist across the street from the one that keeps postphoning my appointments, and they got me in TWO HOURS LATER. This place doesn’t take my insurance, but my insurance doesn’t cover most of what I need anyway, so what the hell.
They took tons of images and then the hygienist went to town on my teeth. (My whole mouth hurt for hours that evening.) The doctor told me my root canal and the tooth below it both have issues, and gave me two referrals to specialists.
Went to an endodontist today and he put a bunch of drills, soldering irons, and glue guns into my mouth over the period of an hour or so.
I got three shots of local, which, of course, felt weird as hell for hours, and then a lot of drilling and weird sensations, noises, and smells. The local made me (I think?) feel really gacked for about 40 minutes. (It could have been anxiety, but I didn’t feel particularly anxious as much as like I’d done a rail of mediocre coke.) The gacked feeling wore off after awhile, and in general there was discomfort but no real pain.
The staff were all excellent and the music was, I was informed, a station called something like “French Cooking.” I was relieved it was anything but a local country station.
The doctor asked me what was up with the roof of my mouth; there’s a big bruise or spot there. Not sure what it’s from, but I think I burned myself eating pizza while drunk last weekend? Who knows; my mouth is a bit of a mess.
I got the root canal originally nine or ten years ago and apparently a root was missed, so today the doctor dug it out and cleared the forth root.
It cost $1,700. (So that’s much of the stimulus and various checks from aunts and uncles I’ve gotten during Covid-19 gone.) I don’t know that I’ve ever paid seventeen hundred dollars for a single thing in my life; thank God I had it available.
I got a prescription for a week’s worth of antibiotics, but just realized now I forgot to go pick them up. Will have to do so tomorrow.
Have to go back to my regular dentist to get the crown finished; right now it’s just rough and weird-feeling. And after THAT I have to get ANOTHER tooth looked at by another specialist as there’s a pocket of infection that needs to come out. I’ve already spent two grand; by the time this is all ship shape I’ll be out four grand, probably.
I’d better live long enough to make keeping these teeth worth it!
In which there’s cheese!
I ordered the gift box from Alemar again. (Their cheese is so good! Plus they treat me right when I order and usually throw in something extra and fun, like curds or toma. Last order had cream cheese, which I used in some yummy pasta!) When it arrived, back in the end of May, neither the brie nor camembert were ready, so I took them to work and left them in the cave to mature.
Brought the camembert home Saturday and just got around to bread baking today, so, here it is!
(Yes, I realize you can do things with camembert other than just eat it with good, crusty bread, but I don’t care about those things.)
Soft, ripe camembert is a DELIGHT and a TREASURE and I ADORE it. Alemar’s camembert is really fantastic, but if you get a wheel that doesn’t give when you gently press the center, do hold it until it’s soft (ideally at a humidity-controlled 50 or so degrees, but a regular fridge will do if you have a few months). It’s absolutely worth the wait!
I keep ordering from Alemar because I love their cheese, they ship to my house, and even though I work in a cheese shop we don’t make bloomy rind cheeses and rarely have them in stock long when I do get to order them. (Embo and I usually end up buying at least half ourselves!)
I’d love to carry local soft rind cheeses, but can’t find any Oregon or Washington creameries that work with our distributor or ship. Few things more lovely than a creamy, glossy brie or camembert. Yum.
In which it’s Sunday afternoon.
I just deleted my Facebook account! It’s a garbage platform with garbage rules, and anybody who actually knows or gives a shit about me can find me here.
I used to keep it for publicity reasons when I was in a band, but I just realized I haven’t been in a band for half a decade. Downloaded my pictures and deleted my account! Every time I go there I just get sad about how dumb people are anyway: “I’m not anti-vaxx, I just believe all vaccines are toxic.” “COVID-19 is no worse than the flu.” “We should listen to both sides, the one with the experts, and the other with insane conspiracy theorists with online stores.”
The infuriating part is they leave your shit up for thirty days after you delete your account. Asshats.
Here’s a sandwich I made and ate:
Leftover JJ’s roll from last week’s bake, mozz from work, pesto from a jar, tomato, red onion from Hayshaker Farm, black pepper, mayo. Needed only arugula and balsamic reduction to be my favorite sammich from the Lake Wine cheese shop!
Couldn’t get himself to go get take-out brunch earlier (he SUCKS at BRUNCH), but he has just fired up the grill. I’m having a veggie burger, he’s having a steak, plus corn on the cob and new potatoes. Should be fuckin’ delicious!
Here’s one of my tomato plants:
It’s an absolutely stunningly gorgeous day.
In which I’m currently quarantined.
This entire post is tl;dr but I’m going to write it anyway because I’ve got nothing but time for the next 3 to 7 days.
Wednesday I woke up, felt fine, got dressed, packed up my stuff, and was making a sandwich to take to work when I had that sensation that means I’ll be needing a bit of time on the toilet, if you know what I mean, but I was also supposed to be leaving for work in minutes, so I texted everybody to let them know I’d be a bit late.
And it went downhill from there. Fast. Cramps, nausea, aches, chills, diarrhea. Two hours later I gave up hope and texted to say I wouldn’t be in. By mid-evening I felt fine, and the next day I went to work.
Thursday was a little low-energy, but otherwise perfectly normal. Didn’t think anything of it. Too many Del Taco burritos, too much wine, just normal weird gut behavior, who knows.
Friday I woke up at dawn feeling normal but annoyed, because waking up these days often means staying up and not getting back to sleep before having to go to work. Then I got a headache, but did manage to drift off, so thought it’d be gone by the time I had to get up for work.
It wasn’t gone. It was splitting, and I had aches and nausea too. But not that bad, really, so I got up and got dressed and packed my stuff and left for work.
And turned around two blocks later and came home and called out sick again because my fucking head was killing me and I honestly felt really gross.
When he got home he told me it sounded like Covid-19 and that he’d sleep in the living room. I checked the CDC site and lo: diarrhea and chills are now symptoms. I emailed work that I’d be out yet again, and that I’d call the doctor the next day (because that sounds like the responsible thing to do when you work in a food manufactory during a global pandemic). I slept even more.
Well, I have a dental appointment on Tuesday, and I REALLY WANT TO KEEP IT. I was going to make it back in March — even filled out all the paperwork — but there was the pandemic, see, so I didn’t actually make one until three weeks ago. But they’d fucked up somehow, so I didn’t get seen and they never called me to reschedule like they said they would so when I called them three days later the next open slot was Tuesday. So it’s an appointment three weeks in the making, and my mouth is a disaster and I WANT TO KEEP IT.
But I also know they’ll ask me if I’ve had any symptoms, and I have, so I decided to call the clinic and ask them if they thought I needed testing. Because I only have 5 symptoms on a list of 11, and none of them are fever or cough, I thought they’d say no, sounds like the crud, drink fluids, rest, etc etc.
But what she actually said was, “With those symptoms, I’d say you need to be tested for Covid-19.” And then she told me where to go to get tested, which is at the Fast-Track drive-through at Providence.
So I went.
And it took over half an hour but was otherwise relatively easy, and they gave me paperwork and told me I’m quarantined until I get my results… in three to seven days. I’m not cleared to work before then.
And I’m also NOT CLEARED TO TAKE MY DENTAL APPOINTMENT, and have to call and reschedule.
Today I’m not that sick, just fatigued (which honestly I think is related more to my gum disease than anything else) and intermittently nauseous and headachey. The diarrhea only lasted a day (though that’s certainly long enough), with maybe a reprise Friday morning but it’s hard to tell because I was much more concerned with the blinding headache.
My mouth, though: I have gum disease. I used to get prophy three or four times a year but I haven’t had a cleaning in over six years now, for various reasons, most of them laziness. (I did try to see dentists in Minneapolis, but it was always hard finding one I could get to easily, without busses or Ubers, and then the one I could bike to didn’t take my insurance and wanted me to pay cash, plus weather and work schedules and blah blah blah… I just haven’t been seen in too long.) Which is to say that there’s bacteria in my jaw bones now. They burrow town into your sockets and down the roots of your teeth and into your upper and lower jaw bones, and I know I’m there because I can feel it. I get intermittent gland swelling, too. I need goddamned planing & scaling and they’ll probably put me on antibiotics, too.
This is all gross, I know, but that’s the joy of being embodied, right?
Long story short, we need my test not to be positive, because if it is, it basically shuts the entire creamery down for ten days while everybody gets tested, and that would be awful, plus it’ll push my dental appointment back even further.
All I wanted was my fucking dental appointment! I don’t know why I’m sick and I don’t feel bad enough to really worry, it’s just the crap you get from time to time. I’ve been sick about every two months since we moved out here, and that’s always normal for me: move across the country, catch absolutely everything for the next 10-12 months. Happens every single time. But I gotta say, during a pandemic it’s complete bullshit!
In which there’s bread!
Today’s his birthday, and he’s been asking me to make the knock-off Jimmy John’s bread recipe for awhile, so I did! Here’s the recipe:
No wonder it’s so nice, it’s got a teaspoon of sugar and even more oil per roll!
Here’s the dough after the first rise:
Now, do behold my utter lack of shaping skills!
(I didn’t shape. I just turned the dough out and cut it. There was no instruction to punch down, so I didn’t.)
They smell good, though, and are nice and soft, and hopefully will make good sandwiches!
Yes, obviously next time, if ever there is one, I’ll punch down, and shape with a bit more aggression. I’m just so used to the no-knead method.
Now I want to get some guacamole and sliced provolone, so I can make myself a homemade copycat #6 The Veggie. Hah!
This is what I made for dinner:
Buttered eggs (with garlic scapes, mushrooms, and goat cheese), roasted asparagus, and smashed potatoes. Pretty delicious. Should have defrosted something dead and fired up the grill—after all, it is his birthday—but I didn’t. Too busy baking bread, plus it’s hot as hell out today for outdoor cooking.
In which there’s an item of furniture.
Bought a coffee table. (Also bought a couch, to replace the air bed we’ve been using as a couch, but it’s not here yet.)
Coffee table! It weighs a ton and reeks of finish, but I love it! Was expecting something much flimsier, but this guy’s solid as hell. Nice, simple, non-plastic little piece of furniture.
I’ve never bought a coffee table before in my life, I don’t think. Furniture is generally either already there when I arrive, or gifted or found, right? People give you old coffee tables, right? I mean, I bought a desk, but a coffee table? Who buys coffee tables?
Me! I bought a coffee table! Box says it’s walnut, and I like it a lot.
Target pays low wages, withholds benefits, treats their employees and the communities they operate in like shit, and they store their (well, really our) wealth offshore to avoid paying their fair share of taxes.
Ditto Walmart and Home Depot and all those other massive chains. FUCK THOSE BUSINESSES. THEY ARE NOT GOOD CITIZENS, AND THEY DO NOT DESERVE ANYTHING: Not our respect, not our protection, not our grief, and absolutely not our bailouts.
Fuck them. Fuck every one of those society-looting, conscienceless motherfuckers. They do not operate in good faith.
They’re the enemies of healthy society: they stand in clear opposition to prosperity, dignity, and beauty. Their business model is to suck wealth out of communities, destroying Main Street in the process, and have the government (read: us) subsidize them in two ways: welfare for their under-compensated employees, and tax cuts and bailouts for themselves.
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In which it’s an intense time to be alive, no doubt about that.
The images that get traction are of broken-hearted wailing and absolutely JUSTIFIED rage; fire; despair. Cops acting as if the population they’re sworn to serve and protect are enemy combatants, and so hatefully indoctrinated they don’t know why that’s a problem.
The images of comfortable, wholesome protests, of community and support and love, get little to no coverage. If it doesn’t bleed, it doesn’t lead.
Far too much coverage of looting. Listen, when you never earn enough, have no healthcare, and live at the edge of homelessness in a grossly rich country that spends BILLIONS ON WAR AND COPS, why not take shit from a Target when shit’s on fire? If you don’t, it’s just gonna burn up anyway, why not get something to use or gift or sell?
I would, I absolutely WOULD loot a fucking Target if I didn’t have the support that I have — all of which is due to my luck, not my intrinsic worth. I don’t offer society anything of real value, and neither do most of you. The only reason I’m not looting a Target is that I don’t have to, and the reasons I don’t have to are luck and skin color.
Let them have their Martha Stewart lamps and bicycles and flat screens. What those businesses have stolen from us is much, much worse than that. Those businesses pay shitty wages, withhold benefits, treat their employees and communities like shit, and store their money offshore to avoid taxes. FUCK THOSE BUSINESSES, THEY ARE NOT GOOD CITIZENS, they’re not citizens at all, really, AND THEY DO NOT DESERVE ANYTHING. Not our respect, not our protection, not our grief, and not our bailouts. Fuck them. Fuck Walmart, fuck Target, fuck every one of those society-looting conscienceless motherfuckers. They’re enemies of society: enemies of prosperity, dignity, and beauty.
Five Black human beings have been found hung from trees in the past week. (Obviously, in light of history, this is not how any Black person suicides, ever.) This is absolutely fucking unacceptable and shows how deep racism is in this country. Fucking lynchings?!? I am heartbroken by how safe, comfortable whites are willing to just ignore the suffering of people JUST LIKE THEM who have more melanin. That’s fucking racism; it’s really not that hard to understand how running highways through affluent Black communities for decades might have had an effect on a population we’ve been so happy to ignore and push away unless they adopt our bullshit White saviour pseudo-Christian culture.
The population is acting recklessly in face of a killing global pandemic. This is entirely the fault of the current administration failing to bother to message properly.
Wear your mask. Stay in as much as possible. Wash your hands. Ignore the re-openings, IT’S NOT SAFE.
Trump is incapable of compassion, old, weak, dumb, venal, and ugly of heart. He is the reflection of the nation’s cumulative personality.
We’re risking millions of lives in the forms of millions of service workers because our society is broken, and I hate it. It breaks my heart that people too poor to not work have to work for CEO bonuses are forced to work. It’s slavery, but we pretend it’s a free market.
Walmart costs you, the taxpayers, billions of dollars annually because their MEDIAN PAY is under twelve bucks an hour. They literally maintain hotlines that assist their underpaid workers with their assistance applications.
The Supreme Court actually surprised me today, however; there is still hope that people, many people, do their duty for its own sake.
