I was waked this morning

February 25th, 2004 | Posted by administratrix in Blurbs - (0 Comments)

I was waked this morning by my amorous hubby – men and their morning nookie. Ugh! How can anyone wake up horny, I ask you? It’s just weird.

I wasn’t hungry for dinner last night, so I was starving this morning and had a breakfast of scrambled eggs and veggie bacon on rye. Then Brett and Gomez left for work and I didn’t need to leave for half an hour (I don’t have keys to this building and the doors aren’t unlocked until nine). I went to watch a bit of the weather… and fell asleep on the couch! Didn’t get to work until twenty after.

I’m quitting coffee. Had about a quarter cup of it this morning, and all it did was make me tired. I feel quasi-depressed this morning, fuzzy, and what do they call it? disassociated. Yesterday I felt great, laughed a lot, had a fairly good day.

Mood swings suck ass. I feel like my world is ending, but nothing’s happening at all.

I’d sure like to see The Passion, mostly to hear what Aramaic is thought to sound like. I am prepared to love or to hate the film as a whole; I’m not yet attached either way. I feel like people spend so much time thinking about the Christ that they end up attaching a lot of weird stuff to the idea, so I won’t be surprized if I don’t like the portrayal.

I need to get to work; I a busy day ahead of me. Yesterday I stayed an hour after work to catch up on the Rants board, because now that I have an actual job I can’t spend as much time there as I’d like. I like being busy, but it sucks to not have time to troll the board all day! I wrote a reply to the Amma quotes thread, and on the drive home decided it wasn’t a worthwhile communication and tried to get online to delete it, but couldn’t connect. So probably I’ve started another flame war, through my own stupid inability to shut the fuck up… I’ll check at lunch to see what’s happened. All I want to do is explain my experience and beliefs, but I’ve too caustic a mouth, I think, and it comes out aggressive. Plus all the other problems of online communication – lack of nuance, body language, all the other clues that include heart value and that are missing from a typed missive.

Anyway: off to do DNS for a bunch of websites I’m moving. TTFN, all.

PPC Skins

January 8th, 2004 | Posted by administratrix in Blurbs - (0 Comments)

Please visit the new ppcskins.png section! Custom Today themes, Wisbar Advance skins, and Dashboard skins too. (Optomized for surfing via a PPC.)


December 31st, 2003 | Posted by administratrix in Blurbs - (0 Comments)

Education was a recurring theme for me for awhile. I took the liberty of collecting some correspondence below. Hopefully it stimulates some thoughts for everyone who reads it.

Mr Bungle said:

Our daughter, Jessi, is 14. She is, frankly, a square peg–we have raised her so on purpose. She is artistically expressive, a thoughtful and interesting person, an active scuba diver with her sights on becoming a Marine Biologist, and a pretty damn cool kid.

She identifies most with a quasi-punk ethic. She likes taking responsibility for the kind of image she presents.

She saved up for and bought a longish velvet coat, which she loves and wears a great deal of the time. I had clothing affectations myself as a kid: pretty much everyone goes through this.

However, the school identified it as a “red flag”. We got a letter home, concerned that Jessi might have “body image issues” and hides her body under the coat.

List of Wishlists

December 31st, 2003 | Posted by administratrix in Wishlists - (0 Comments)

Off-site wish lists

  • ThinkGeek.com
    All the wonderful, geeky, non-essentials a gril could ever want!
  • Amazon.com A long, long list of crap I’d like to have. Books, A/V, and kitchenware, mostly.

Stuff for my PPC

  • PocketGPS…..$299.00
    So I’ll never get lost in Chi-town (or anywhere else) again!

Kitchen and bath


Groovy devices


  • socks, socks, socks
  • books
  • knitting stuff (cool yarns, needles, patterns, books)

Spinach Enchiladas Suizas

December 1st, 2003 | Posted by administratrix in Recipes - (Comments Off on Spinach Enchiladas Suizas)

The most amazing enchiladas ever. Trust me. Even at a whopping 650 calories per serving, they’re so freakin’ worth it!

Spinach Enchiladas Suizas

1-1/2 lbs. trimmed spinach
3 Tbs. olive oil
1 Tbs. butter
1/2 lg. onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
salt to taste
3/4 lb. Swiss cheese, grated
10 corn tortillas
vegetable oil

1 Tbs. butter
1 Tbs. flour
1 c. milk, heated
1 c. sour cream, at room temperature
1/2 c. diced green chilis

Optional Garnish
sour cream
hot sauce

1 Wash the spinach leaves carefully, drain them, and chop them. Heat the olive oil and butter in a large skillet; saut? the onions and garlic in it until they are golden. Add the spinach and toss it in the hot oil until all of it is wilted. Salt it to your taste and continue cooking it over medium heat, stirring often, until all the liquid is gone.
2 Grate the Swiss cheese coarsely. Take a tortilla, brush it very lightly with vegetable oil, and heat it quickly on both sides in a skillet until it is very soft and flexible. Spread a heaping tablespoon of grated cheese in a line down the center of it, then spread a heaping tablespoon of the spinach over the cheese. Fold one end of the tortilla over the filling and roll it up. Continue in this manner until all the tortillas and spinach are used up.
3 Lightly oil a large, shallow casserole and arrange the enchiladas in it in such a way that they won’t unroll.
4 To make the sauce, melt 1 tablespoon butter in a pot and stir in the flour. Cook this roux over low heat, stirring constantly, until it is golden. Add the heated milk and stir with a whisk until it is slightly thickened. Add the room-temperature sour cream, diced chilis, and the remaining cheese and cook the sauce over low heat until all the cheese is melted and the sauce is quite smooth. Season it lightly with salt and pepper and pour it over the enchiladas.
5 Cover the casserole and bake the enchiladas in a preheated oven at 350? for abot 20 to 25 minutes. They should be very hot all the way through. If you like, you can uncover the casserole and brown the sauce under the broiler for a few minutes before serving.
6 Serve the enchiladas hot, and garnish them with extra sour cream and hot sauce if desired.

Servings: 5
Yield: 10 enchiladas
Cooking time: 25 minutes
Ready in: 1 hour

Recipe Source
Author: Anna Thomas
Source: The Vegetarian Epicure, Book Two (Alfred A. Knopf, New York, 1986)

The Detroit retreat was held in the airport Westin. I don’t know if you’ve ever stayed in a Westin, but they have this wonderful thing called a Heavenly Bed and man-oh-man are they not kidding! The bed is so great they actually sell them online. The next time I have two grand I’m gonna order me one. They’re awesome. Down pillowtop, down pillows, down everywhere! And so comfortable! It really is the best hotel bed I’ve ever slept in.

The rest of the hotel was gorgeous and I really had a lovely time staying there. The service was great, the Japanese-style design was lovely, and for being under flight paths it was surprizingly quiet. Tahmi liked the look so much she took a whole roll of film of it so she could show some of the nifty design points to Jason (they’re always threatening to remodel parts of their house, and they both like the Japanese aesthetic).

It was also a great hotel for an Amma program because the program basically had its own floor – the hall and kitchen were all together in the basement, so devotees didn’t have as large an impact on the normal operation of the hotel as they do in most other hotels – it was somewhat sequestered. There were still a lot of devotees in the lobby, but not like there are in Chicago or other program sites I’ve been to. You didn’t see people sleeping in the lobby where people are trying to do business. Instead they slept downstairs out of the general areas or in their rooms.

Amma’s flight out of Europe was delayed, so She missed the first program at the Holiday Inn. There was only one program there, and then we moved over to the Westin for the retreat. This was my third retreat and as usual it seems She pours on the juice when She knows She’s got your undivided attention for a few days. Her physical body is in great shape considering what She does to it; Her voice is getting a bit hoarser than it once was but that’s the only noticeable wear and tear. I am always aware intellectually of the impossibility of what She does, but it’s nothing like seeing it in person. Imagine sitting in a chair hugging four thousand people and never getting up to eat, sleep, or pee! She’s always fresh, the first darshan She gives is just like the last. And when She leaves the hall She doesn’t sleep, she travels around to devotees’ houses and does pujas, then visits hospitals, and maybe rests two hours out of every 24. In Cochin during the birthday celebration, she gave twenty thousand or more darshans without a break. She hugged almost a hundred thousand people in just a few days. I mean, it’s impossible for a normal human being to do that. I don’t think most people could do it for ten hours once or twice; She’s been doing it almost daily since 1987.

Devi Bhava went until ten in the morning. I think She did well over four thousand darshans, and then there were several first feedings and first letters followed by two weddings. (I didn’t make it past eight in the morning, I was just too exhausted.) Tahmi did ten hours of line entry seva and stayed up until the very end. She’s my hero.

I usually stay for the end of Devi Bhava because I love it so much, but when at eight in the morning the lines were still full and I fell asleep every time I blinked, I just had to go lie down. I felt at my darshan around three in the morning that I wouldn’t make it ’til the end – you could just tell She was taking her time and was in no hurry to finish early – but I tried really hard! The end of Devi Bhava is so cool because it’s one of the only times you can see Her alone, not surrounded by devotees. She stands on the stage and pelts people with flowers for about ten minutes while the swamis rock out on “Amma Amma Taye,” which is the funkiest, rockin’est bhajan ever.

I bought a few new bhajan books, a Kali Bhava outfit for my Amma doll, and a mantra bracelet. I also bought a large rudraksha bead, but I lost it within an hour of putting it on and just didn’t feel compelled to replace it when it never showed up at lost and found. I tried to get Brett a t-shirt, but they didn’t have his size in the styles he would wear. The only 2XL they had showed the blue and pink Amma website logo on the front, and I just don’t think he’d wear that, it’s too cute and too Amma-oriented.

As usual I spent awhile looking at all the families going up together for darshan and wished my husband were also a devotee, but also as usual I got over it and decided to be thankful he’s open minded enough not to try to prevent me from going. (THAT would suck.) He went once, for me, and got Mother’s darshan. I promised him then if he’d only go once I’d never ask him again, and I intend to keep my word. I harbor a secret desire of course that he’ll one day discover an interest in spirituality, and I glom onto every story told about husbands who finally become devotees after years (I talked to at least three men who said they never were interested before but their wives have been into Amma for years and then they started coming)… but Brett probably harbors a secret desire that I’ll one day suddenly want to built a hotrod and learn to drive it. (Hah! Not that a hot rod could possibly compare to an incarnated avatar, but it’s the best analogy I’ve got.)

I was so happy to get home last night and see my husband whom I’d missed so much, so par for the course he promptly managed to really hurt my feelings. I don’t know how it works, but it seems whenever I come home from a trip this happens. Last night it was a very brief but very mean and grumpy lecture on how I can’t sit in front of the fireplace anymore because I leave it wide open and waste wood and his way is so much better and I’m forbidden from operating the stove basically at all. He announced that since I’d been gone for a week he’d discovered that running the stove closed keeps the house much warmer and uses much less wood and it never went out and blah blah blah blah. I kept my own council and said nothing about the house being so cold I thought there was no fire going when I walked in, nor about him being the one who always left the ash door open, not me. But that’s not the point: regardless of right or wrong, he yelled at me and it hurt my feelings. A simple “I learned this while you were away and want us to change our behavior,” would have been fine.

I sulked around and unpacked, then filled an entire garbage bag with the crap he’d accumulated during the week I was gone, and finally he figured out I seemed sad and asked me what I was doing and made me come sit on the couch with him. I had to get up and put on another pair of socks, a pair of slippers, a sweater, and a hat. He claimed the house was warm, but in reality it was barely sixty degrees in there.

Finally I decided that I needed to quit feeling sorry for myself. It’s so weird, but that’s my first response to everything these days: self pity. I despise this new trait. I never used to be like this, but now it takes all my focus and strength to pull myself up out of the pit of self pity all the time. I have to deliberately slog back up the hill to equanimity about five times a day. It’s uncomfortable, to put it mildly, to realize what a big fat baby I’ve become.

The second time he decided to yell at me last night about my wanton wood-wasting I said quietly, “Just stop it. Stop. I’d been home barely twenty minutes and you’d already bitched me out twice. I GET IT. I WON’T USE THE STOVE from now on. I haven’t even been in the furnace room since the last time you yelled at me.” I wasn’t very angry, but I just wasn’t about to be dominated again for no apparent reason. Especially since I can wear a hat in the house; I did it last winter. It’s not a gigantic sacrifice in the grand scheme of things.

He’s the one who does all that incredibly hard labor getting wood for the stove; if he doesn’t want to “waste” it keeping the house at a reasonable temperature then who the hell am I to argue? It’s not like I could possibly afford to buy split, delivered, and stacked wood with my income, and there’s no way in hell I could go get it, unload it, and split it myself like he does. I certainly don’t want him to feel like I don’t value all that work, so we’ll run the damn stove totally closed down and I’ll wear extra clothes.

In all truth, it’s not like I really need to sit there reading brain candy sci-fi and smoking cigarettes, as much as it’s a toasty winter pleasure I really really look forward to and enjoy. Surely there’s better shit to do with my time in the the winter. I could maybe clean the house more, or meditate more, or, although it’s unlikely, it wouldn’t hurt me to maybe excersize to keep warm.

Today when we woke up before dawn (damn it all to hell, I’d hoped to sleep until at least seven), it was maybe fifty degrees in the house. Part of the lecture the night before had been about how the “fire had never gone out the whole time I was gone,” but it certainly went right out last night. Since the furnace failed to kick on it was fucking c-c-c-cold. I was pissed. But, bless his heart, he got up first, cranked on the furnace, made coffee, and started a roaring fire while I mummified myself in the duvet and meditated with nothing but my nose exposed, and then when it was warm he came up to offer to start the shower for me. What could be better than a warm bathroom, a hot shower, and a cup of coffee, all prepared by your beloved? Nothing! There couldn’t be a better apology in the world.

Brett and I really don’t have much surface stuff in common, but we do share a basic trait that is the actual heart of our marriage: we may both be selfish, self-involved bastards, but we do know when we’ve been assholes and we take steps to make amends.

I loved my week long sojurn to Motor City to get Mother’s darshan, I can’t even express how nice Tahmi’s car is (I kept thinking there was something wrong with the Jeep in comparison!), and it’s always good to get away, but I’m really quite happy to be home again. Hooray!

TTC Blinkies

November 4th, 2003 | Posted by administratrix in Blurbs - (0 Comments)

Welcome to my website!

Feel free to adopt any of these blinkies for your TCOYF/Ovusoft sig files or posts. I made all of them (except the ‘Women of the Midwest’ one.)

Contact me if you have a custom blinky in mind and I’ll see what I can do. – Michelle (mush)



Buddy Groups


Blinkies home | View all


November 4th, 2003 | Posted by administratrix in Blurbs - (0 Comments)

The goblinbox.com listserve uses version 1.94.4 of Majordomo. If you’re familiar with mail servers, an advanced user’s summary of Majordomo’s commands appears at the end of this post.

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September 3rd, 2003 | Posted by administratrix in Portfolio - (0 Comments)

logolumber.jpgCarroll Lumber and Carroll Design Studio (Fairfield, Ottumwa) hired me to build their website.

I took digital pictures of their showroom, met with them twice, and now their site’s done.

Behold: carrolllumber.com.

View a screenshot of this web site

Gallery Archive

August 31st, 2003 | Posted by administratrix in Gallery - (0 Comments)

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this gallery is War and Peace.

(Note: These have recently been moved, and some of the links don’t work. If you get stuck somewhere, use your browser’s Back button. I hope to have the links fixed soon!)