goblinbox

In which the good and the bad are blended into something so astonishingly neutral that I probably could have slept all day and felt just about the same.

Today is my last day at the call center. I am so excited! Change! I’m changing jobs! I’m out of here! This seriously freakin’ rules!

I’ll get to learn and grow and change! This is so excellent!

I packed all my personal crap into a box before I left work last night, so today my desk is spartan and unfamiliar. I was deliberately late because I wanted to panic my supervisor into thinking I wasn’t coming in at all, but my joke backfired: he had to leave early for personal reasons – there’s been a death among his friends.

Then I went through the exit interview, which was little more than a brief chat with a review of the non-compete (I don’t know any trade secrets so I couldn’t spill them even if I wanted to), good luck, and a give-us-your-key-back. They said I can leave an hour early tonight since it’s my last shift. Very exciting! Best day ever!

But when I got back to my desk, Teh [now ex] BF IMed me to say that he’s taking the rest of the day off because he can’t cope.

I guess I sort of wanted today to be more about me, but perhaps that was both selfish and childish. I’m a grown woman; the world isn’t always going to be charmed with and for me when I want it to, I guess.

I feel horrible that Teh [now ex] BF is so uncomfortable with our break-up that he can’t even sit in the same building with me… I feel awful. I also feel a little pissed because I never meant to cause him pain and this is supposed to be a fun day for me, not one where I feel like an asshole all day long because I chased the man out of his own job. He’s been here for eight or nine years; I’ve been here for twenty months.

A brief synopsis of the breakup: A couple of months ago I was overwhelmed and unhappy and pulled back from the relationship. A lot. {{Paragraph redacted at Teh [now ex] BF’s request.}} We broke up two nights ago.

Now I’m sitting here waiting for my last Friday lunch meeting to start, and I’m both so excited and so sorry that the two emotions cancel each other out and I feel… well, just kinda sick.

Maybe I can just have my entire nervous system removed for health reasons. Then I wouldn’t have to feel this weird.

I left my phone at home. I need to go get it on my lunch break so I can call the new job and find out when to show up.

Update: I get a three day weekend! The new job is running a partial-holiday on Monday to honor the 4th, so I don’t start until Tuesday at eight.