goblinbox

In which I’ve seen in the past week both of my parents and all of their siblings and nearly all of their siblings’ spouses and children.

For no particular reason, both of my parents came to town to visit this week. They’ve been divorced for twenty-seven years, so it’s strange that they should both have shown up at the same time. Made my week pretty busy, actually.

My dad rolled into town in his RV with his brother on board, and we all went to see my aunt, their sister, for dinner. There was a large feast at my house with my mom and all of her siblings. My dad took me out to lunch on Tuesday and out to dinner last night. There was ice cream cake at the house for G’ma’s birthday. Suffice it to say, the diet suffered this week.

Hanging out with family is informative. I know from having looked at a bunch of my female relatives exactly where my tits are going to be in twenty years. I have learned that my dad and I are extroverts and my mother and brother are introverts. I listened to the Hall women tell me most emphatically that I’m not pudgy. I rediscovered that Morgans will drink until the bar closes.

Pretty cool, really, to be back around family. In the 15 years I spent in the Midwest, I saw my mom twice and my dad maybe five times, and the rest of my family only once: the weekend I got married. I didn’t really have anyone around to bug me about birthdays, holidays, family events, grave sites, and the like.

I was an island. I liked it.

But I also like being back in the middle of my family again. Walla Walla is where my parents are from; this is where my relatives come to come home.

Of course, this relative-fest in the middle of September probably means that no one will be around for the holidays, but that’s okay. G’ma and I will eat cookies and drink mugs of tea without them.

In which this is a very special OMG SO MUCH FAMILY edition.

Friday after work I jogged home and took a 3-minute shower. The boys picked me up in the band van at 6:30 and we drove to an RV park in Wallula to play the opening night of a biker rally.

When we arrived, there was no one there but the band, the sound guy, and the dozen employees of the rally.

We set up. Darkness fell. The only lights on the whole property were the two on the bandstand. A biker chick took her top off on stage, and a biker dude ran around with a giant latex cock hanging out of his fly. By the end of our last set, there were probably 80 people there.

I heard there were about 800 people the next night. Sigh.

Saturday, MY WHOLE ENTIRE FREAKING FAMILY SHOWED UP IN TOWN OMGWTFBBQ. Moms, dads, aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, oh my! After dinner with the maternal side, my brother and I went out with our uncle Dangerous Dan (our dad’s brother) and painted the town about fifty shades of red. There are no pictures yet because my cell phone was dead and the other pictures are on digital cameras at home.

Sunday I was pretty useless and laid around nursing a hangover when I wasn’t chatting with my mom or my aunt at the house.

Today I’m sitting at work talking on the phone and doing my job, but am mostly waiting for PAY DAY. Gonna buy a plane ticket to NEW YORK CITY tomorrow, oh yes I am.

New York! I’m comin’ to visit you!

In which I love them but they’re totally exhausting.

When I got home from work last night, the house had been verily overrun by persons sharing my genetic material. It was insane: aunts, uncles, cousins, even a brother – they were all over the place.

We ate on the patio. There was a bucket of KFC (I avoided it), sweet corn, and potato salad. There were three half-gallons of ice cream (I avoided them, too). I wasn’t hungry but I ate anyway because G’ma told me to and I know better than to argue.

I dutifully brought out three cameras to take the Four Generation photo below (an Argus C3, the Polaroid Land 103, and my cell phone):

It was already too dark out for the C3, but I shot a frame anyway. The Polaroid came out technically nice (I LOVE HAVING A BAG FULL OF FLASH BULBS!!!) but only one of my subjects was actually looking at the camera at the time. (Several other family members took the same picture, so I’m sure at least one of them came out.)

I did the dishes afterward (for which my uncle Blue gave me a quarter and told me I was “a good kid”). I tidied up the kitchen. I took out the trash.

Later I escaped into my room, but my aunt came and found me. We talked until a quarter to twelve, yawning and blinking. I finally had to tell her I had to get some sleep. I crashed out so hard that seven o’clock arrived pretty much instantly.

This morning I had girl-cousins on the living room couches, an aunt in the front room, and a G’ma about to leave town for a week giving me lists of things to do while she’s gone. Apparently I’ll be watering the plant on the front porch daily, bringing in the mail, getting my brother to mow the back yard once it stops raining, and eating two large tomatoes and half a loaf of bread. You know, before they go bad.

But all chores aside, I have the whole house to myself for an entire week! Ah, blessed solitude, I shall bask in your silence. And run around nekkid.