“During the third embryonal week, it’s not unusual to experience spotting, or light vaginal bleeding.”

Well, that’s good to know. I spotted one spot last night. I laid there in my bed reading, certain that my period was about to start. Then I realized, “This doesn’t feel like my period about to start at all. It’s too high up.” I think this one might actually stick, the little bastard.

My observation is that attitude does affect physicality. I feel happy and excited this time (because I’m married and ‘stable,’ whatever that means). If I wasn’t, I feel confident I’d probably miscarry again. I am getting reacquainted with the fact that my attitude is the main part of my fertility… I’d forgotten that over so many years of not taking responsibility for it, of being vicim to it.

I told Chloe this morning in front of the coffee shop that we’re pregnant. She was so happy. She immediately told Elisabeth, who just instant messaged me. The whole town will know by evening! We’re telling Barb tonight; Brett bought a “Happy Mother’s Day, Grandma” card last night to give to her with the headboard. I’m feeling weird now that it isn’t just our secret, now that everybody knows!

Brett said something last night about thinking a home birth would be a cool idea… I think I might want to go to a nice, clean, quiet birth center, though. It’ll end up costing the same, probably. They have whirlpools in the birthing rooms at WCHC, according to their website:

Washington County Hospital and Clinics
400 East Polk Street, P.O. Box 909
Washington, Iowa 52353
319-653-5481
http://www.wchc.org/dept-birth.html

Dr. Lynette Iles,
420 E Polk St., Washington, IA
Family Practice

I don’t like my house that much, really, in comparison to a birth center. The house is dark and dirty (and will be especially so by then, when I won’t be able to clean it very well), and even if Brett works his ass off all summer the attic bedroom won’t be exactly finished, and the bathroom will be down a flight of stairs, and it will be December and cold and shitty out. Not the time of year to be having babies in vehicles, right? I think I might prefer a hip doctor to a hippy midwife, I don’t know.

So many decisions to make about something I know nothing about.

This is my new favorite site: http://my.webmd.com/preg_calendar. I’m keeping all my food, spotting, exercise, etc. in there. It’s a pretty trick little web interface.

Today I need to buy prenatal vitamins! I didn’t do it last night!

“The average time from the day of fertilization to the due date is 266 days (38 weeks). The time to the due date from the first day of the last period is 280 days (40 weeks), assuming the menstrual cycle is an average of 28 days.” So I’m, uh, about 23 days pregnant? Which really means, uh, less than that, like a week or two.

From WebMD: “Here is what to put in your labor bag. Your health insurance card and proof of insurance, sponges that your partner can use to help you cool off in between contractions, snacks and drinks for your partner, magazines or books for you and your partner to read, a picture or other object you can use as your focal point during labor, assuming of course that using the focal point is part of your labor pain relief strategy, a camera or video camera plus spare batteries and spare film, pillows with brightly colored pillow cases so they do not get mixed up with the hospital ones, a portable stereo and music to listen to during labor, massage oil or lotion, a hot water bottle, lip balm, cornstarch or some other non-perfumed power to reduce friction during massage, paper and pens, change for the payphone or a prepaid phone card, and a list of phone numbers, your hospital preregistration form, one or more copies of your birth plan, a tennis ball or rolling pin for applying pressure to your back, a small fron freezer pack wrapped in a towel, your partner’s bathing suit so he can accompany you in the shower and help you work through contractions, and a change of clothes and few basic toiletries for your partner in case you labor gets prolonged. I will not get into everything you might want for the rest of your hospital stay because we are running out of time, but you will find a detailed checklist in our book, The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby.”

I told Joy and Jimbo at lunch. They seemed amused. Joy seems excited for us. She asked me if I was excited and I said I am. It is exciting.

I?m rapidly becoming an expert, as much as you can be with book learning only (I do so love the web). I know, for instance, that I don?t want an epidural; I want it to not be very painful. I feel like it will be fine. The women in my family don?t seem to have big troubles, and I?m not blood-related to Barb so her evil hip thing won?t have to be a factor, although Kris should watch out since she?s got those genes.

Reni IM?d to say congrats this morning; I think Chloe covered the greater tri-state area this morning.

Monday I smoked three cigarettes. Yesterday I had two. Today, I only get one. I?m saving it for after work. AM I A FUCKING HERO OR WHAT? QUITTNG IN THREE DAYS?!?! Has anyone EVER been as cool as me?

Dang Brett; he says he?ll ?try to quit?, which means he won?t, which means I have to listen to him hacking up his lungs every morning. Boy will he be IN for it when the pissed off hormones come! Hehe!

It?s never too late to start thinking about maternity leave. I have no problem with maternity leave. It?s the money I?ll miss? If I become an at-home mom, I?ll never have any money again. I barely have any now, and I work full time. If we have to survive on Brett?s income, I don?t know what I?ll do. But I don?t really want a stranger raising this kid, either. But I guess I?ll give up having my own money before I?ll give up raising our child myself? Fuck. Being the grown up sucks. I hate it. Why do I always have to be the one to do it? Why can?t it be someone else?

?Examine your finances. Discuss your financial situation in detail with your partner, carefully considering how much time you can afford to take off. If at all possible, try to put some money aside as a cushion before you leave work. That way, your partner won’t feel obligated to work longer hours once the baby is born, and you won’t feel obligated to return to work earlier than you really want to.?

Yeah, we?re going to remodel the entire top of the house this summer, and save money?

From the March of Dimes:

* Get early prenatal care, even before you’re pregnant.
* Eat a well-balanced diet, including a vitamin supplement that contains folic acid.
* Exercise regularly with your doctor’s permission.
* Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and illicit drugs, and limit caffeine.
* Avoid x-rays, hot tubs, and saunas.
* Avoid infections.

(Avoid infections?!)

And the diet recommendations:

* 6 to 11 servings of breads and other whole grains
* 3 to 5 servings of vegetables
* 2 to 4 servings of fruits
* 4 to 6 servings of milk and milk products
* 3 to 4 servings of meat and protein foods
* 6 to 8 glasses of water, and no more than one soft drink or cup of coffee per day to limit caffeine.

I?ll have to start drinking lattes (more expensive, but made with a whole serving of the day?s calcium) that are decaf. Arrgghh! And probably no syrup; I bet those sugar calories won’t be necessary.

Planned Parenthood says: ?Exercise! You?ll sleep better. You?ll feel more relaxed. You?ll have fewer backaches. You?ll feel healthier. Your blood will flow better. You will help prevent varicose veins and hemorrhoids. Your bowel movements will be more regular. Pregnancy and delivery will be easier.

?Walking is one of the best ways to exercise. Do it for at least a half-hour three or four times a week. Swimming is also great. Your clinician can suggest other good exercises. They can help you strengthen your back and the muscles that you will use to push the baby out.?

So, tonight I buy prenatal vitamins and I do some Stairmaster or take a walk for awhile.

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4:27
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All the stuff I’ve read says spotting is normal, but last night I wiped after peeing and the paper was pink, and there was a tiny little pink spot in my underwear. Today, the first two times I went to the bathroom everything was fine,but just now I went and there’s a little blood again. There are a few more pale, pale pink dots in my underwear. The discharge looked like some clear liquid (like ovulation mucous) and some red blood, slightly clotted. Not a lot, but enough to give me a heart attack. I have some sensations, but I guess I wouldn’t really say it felt like menstrual cramps if I were being really nitpicky. It’s cramping, but not the kind I’m used to. It feels more like someone’s in there rearranging the furniture for the first time in a decade.

I’m going to say it: I hope we don’t lose this baby. And I hope s/he’s healthy and normal and doesn’t have spina bifida or bad hair or something.
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